Restaurant staff etiquette

[Vishenka69]

Some of our chattier waiters were in TX and New Orleans. Those two places really made an impression and not in a good way. I get that it's part of the Southern culture but it wasn't my cup of tea. I don't think entree prices should necessarily dictate how chatty the wait staff is. I'm slowly getting used to random people talking to me but I still wish they didn't.

The other thing that bugs me is when we're in a place that doesn't have too many Russians and the server happens to hear us and decides that since she/he is from same part of the world we should all be friends. This happened when we were visiting my family in WI. Our waitress was just trying too hard to make friends and we couldn't care less. We were polite and left a nice tip but really just because I also speak Russian doesn't mean we need to start hugging and kissing.

[SoonerTexan]

As a former longtime Dallas resident and someone who has lived all over the country (except the West Coast), I can speak this truth: in general, Dallas has incredibly friendly, chatty, Southern waitstaff and it is completely expected to show Texan hospitality through chipper conversation. There is no comparison to anywhere else!

Very true! I worked in a restaurant as a hostess for 2 years--to me, it just seemed like it depended on the patron. Some people just wanted to be left alone, so the waiter did. Other people (especially older couples) liked being chatty. We had one couple that came in at LEAST every week religiously, usually more than that. I saw them come in twice in one day, once. They knew every member of the staff, and I think the guy actually went hunting with a manager on the weekends...

[MrsC]

Some of our chattier waiters were in TX and New Orleans. Those two places really made an impression and not in a good way. I get that it's part of the Southern culture but it wasn't my cup of tea. I don't think entree prices should necessarily dictate how chatty the wait staff is. I'm slowly getting used to random people talking to me but I still wish they didn't.

The other thing that bugs me is when we're in a place that doesn't have too many Russians and the server happens to hear us and decides that since she/he is from same part of the world we should all be friends. This happened when we were visiting my family in WI. Our waitress was just trying too hard to make friends and we couldn't care less. We were polite and left a nice tip but really just because I also speak Russian doesn't mean we need to start hugging and kissing.

Oh yeah, New Orleans was hilarious. The service in some restaurants was so slow, they were friendly but it was sloow, even by my standards. I usually don't mind waiting a bit but we waited 45 minutes for lunch in one place, no apology, that's just the way it is! To be honest we didn't mind, we found it amusing. The people we were with kept complaining about the slow service and the managers didn't like it. I mean, come on, you're on vacation and life moves at a different pace here, you should savour it! It was embarassing.

Vishenka, I get the same thing when people hear my accent. I don't need to hear what part of Ireland everyone's great-grandmother came from.

[GrayMatterWife]

I don't need to hear what part of Ireland everyone's great-grandmother came from.

Oh, man! I hear you! Try being from Texas and traveling through the Heathrow Airport three weeks before we invaded Iraq. We had an 18-hour layover. We were just going to sleep in the airport, until we couldn't get any sleep because people kept coming up to us...

To every random stranger who felt it was appropriate to approach me: Please stop verbally assaulting me. Yes, I am from Texas (I was wearing a "Texas" UT sweatshirt--apparently, big mistake). No, I don't know George Bush personally, so, no, I cannot convey to him your personal pissed-off-edness. Please understand that my state is larger than your country. And, yes, I like George Bush and no, I am not embarrassed to be from Texas. And, no, I wouldn't agree with your ranting just because you are self-righteous (which seems to be what really ignited people--if I'd just said, "Yeah, isn't Bush awful?" they would have gone away).

So I really, really hated England. Or, at least its airport population. I thought the Brits were supposed to be reserved. Uh...no. An airport security officer had to intervene when one wacked out lady approached me while I was in line at the security checkpoint. She was screaming practically. Like the War in Iraq was my fault.

I eventually took off my sweatshirt (at the recommendation of the security staffer) and just sat around, cold.

[Rapunzel]

Having grown up in Dallas, lived for a number of years in New England (Boston), and now living in probably the most Mexican large city north of the border....

I definitely prefer waitstaff do their job and not "chat me up". And, I think dh and I make that fairly clear through our own word choices and body language whenever we are out because it is VERY rare for us to encounter an individual who starts into personal information (beyond their name - and we usually make it clear we're not interested in that either). We don't have many problems in Dallas with that - and, again, I think it's because our body language and choice of words make it clear to whomever is serving us.

I was a waitress once upon a time in a far off galaxy. I definitely did not find the "chatting" to be professional so I didn't do it. And, I got the same amount in tips that everybody else did - there was no real reason to do it beyond being bored or lonely. If anything, the chatty colleagues were less productive, more likely to make errors, and were generally harder to get along with when it came to co-worker interactions. I also definitely got the hint that MOST restaurant patrons didn't go to the establishment to get to know the employees - they wanted their food and they wanted to talk to their party (the people at their table). (This was in a Dallas suburb years ago).

[Rapunzel]

Vishenka, I get the same thing when people hear my accent. I don't need to hear what part of Ireland everyone's great-grandmother came from.

When we lived in Boston the FIRST thing every single person said to me when I told them I was born and raised in Texas (fifth generation Texan to be exact): "But, you don't sound like you're from Texas."

That was usually followed by my explaining to these various individuals (usually strangers) that Texas was so large that there were actually SEVERAL different accents in Texas depending upon the region you were raised in (such as George W. Bush has a West Texas accent, my grandmother had an East Texas accent, my husband's family has Tex-Mex accents, etc.). I'd also have to explain that I had a typical Dallas "non-accent".

(Another funny thing: When we were moving to San Antonio from Boston I would often get people saying something along the lines of, "Wow! It will probably be hard for you to move to such a small town." I'd then explain that San Antonio is three times larger in population than Boston. That was usually followed by a jaw drop. ).

[oceanchild]

My mom is Dutch and speaks some Dutch, and if she ever hears anyone speaking Dutch, she always jumps into the conversation. Granted, where she lives, this doesn't happen much, but I have come to accept it as a mom quirk that I am not changing. Most people are good sports about it (and some are downright thrilled), but I imagine she annoys some people.

As to restaurants, I often ask for recommendations or for help deciding between two dishes, and I appreciate honest responses to those questions.

I do think there's a regional difference in the way strangers interact. It seemed like the leave-me-alone attitude was much more common in DC than in the other places (all western) where I've lived.

[medpedspouse]

I like to chat with the waitstaff - especially if we are vacationing. I want to know where they go for cheap eats, entertainment, etc. They are a wealth of knowledge about the area too and have helped us find the hole in the wall kind of places we love.

HOWEVER, I do not need to hear their life story and something that is like nails on the chalkboard to me is when they call me honey, hon or the like.

[MrsC]

So I really, really hated England. Or, at least its airport population. I thought the Brits were supposed to be reserved. Uh...no. An airport security officer had to intervene when one wacked out lady approached me while I was in line at the security checkpoint. She was screaming practically. Like the War in Iraq was my fault.

I eventually took off my sweatshirt (at the recommendation of the security staffer) and just sat around, cold.

DH got the same crap abroad when Bush was re-elected, and he's not a Texan. Everyone thought they had the right to express their opinion on the matter.

I love the notion that Brits are reserved, I guess it comes from the royal family and all who speak the Queens English.

The best one I hear from a waiter was one who told me this long story about when she was in Dublin and a barman made a shamrock on the head of her pint of Guinness. She wanted to know if they did that to every pint. There would be war. Imagine how long that would take, and there's a pub full of thirsty people.

[alison]

That reminds me, though, that there's something about the language "I'll be taking care of you" that just grates on me!

For me, it's "are you still working on that?" that grates on my nerves!

[oceanchild]

For me, it's "are you still working on that?" that grates on my nerves!

That one made the NY Times list.

[migirl]

I personally hate when we get, "How is everything so far?" So far? Why? What's going to happen?

[GrayMatterWife]

I personally hate when we get, "How is everything so far?" So far? Why? What's going to happen?

I am dying laughing at this one! I never thought about it, but you are so right! Misinterpreted, this could be a very ominous inquiry. As if the evil waiter is waiting for you to discover that he hid rat turds at the bottom of your soup or something!

[Meenah]

I don't really have an opinion either way. If they are chatty, I am usually chatty in return. I sort of go with the flow. I waited tables in college, and have a soft spot. It really is hard work.

[Pollyanna]

I don't really have an opinion either way. If they are chatty, I am usually chatty in return. I sort of go with the flow.

Yep, me too. Honestly, I am just happy to be out at a restaurant so if a waiter is too chatty or not would never even be on my radar.