I am an etiquette snob.

[radwife]

We've purchased gifts for two weddings where we didn't receive a thank you note. One of them we even flew to Houston for the wedding! I was shocked and still am offended by it to this day. Another wedding we went to sent a postcard thank you note with only the comments "glad you were able to join us on our special day." I had DH reach out to his friend and make sure they actually received our gift. It was confusing and awkward to say "hey, did you get my present?"

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I'm in the midst of thank you notes right now. It's slow going considering each of us are working 70+ hour weeks but each person will receive a hand-written note from me or DH in the next few weeks. It's pretty tacky not to do so in my opinion.

Obviously this isn't the case here but did anyone ever wonder if someone sent a gift they didn't get? There are a few people from our wedding that I'm surprised have not sent a gift - my boss specifically. I don't actually care but I'm hoping they didn't send something that got lost and then I don't thank them! But there's really no way to be like, um, did you send us a gift?

[Chrisada]

Yeah I always wondered if somehow cards or gifts got lost. I specifically remember not getting gifts from certain people close to me and being surprised. I wonder if they somehow got lost, and I am that woman who never sent a thank you note!!

[SuzySunshine]

I think in this day and age people who sent gifts will find a way to ask if you got it. Either to you directly, through your parents or something.

A friend of mine that had a baby shortly after we had our first received a very nice and expensive car seat - to this day they still have NO idea who sent it. The people at the place it was bought was no help and no one has ever asked them if they got it.

As for not receiving gifts, etiquette is a year to give which I know doesn't apply to Chrisada but does to you T&S.

[Chrisada]

Someone did send us some crystal salt and pepper shakers directly from a store and I could never figure out who it was.

[ladymoreta]

I agree with everyone else - tacky. I've never had that happen. Hopefully they're just a fluke and this doesn't become more common. I forgot how you knew the couple, but if you are close enough to one of their parents, I don't think you would be out of line to bring it up.

[ladymoreta]

BTW, I said their parents because, like Wildfin, my mom (and MIL) would have smacked me for that! And rightly so, IMHO...

[Chrisada]

The groom's mother is my mom best friend for basically her whole life. She is also VERY sensitive, so my mom decided not to bring it up.

[GrayMatterWife]

Oh, wow, oh, wow. I'm in the "this is INCREDIBLY rude" camp!!

To me, this is completely dismissive.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

As for not receiving gifts, etiquette is a year to give which I know doesn't apply to Chrisada but does to you T&S.

Oh I know! And honestly, I don't actually care if people don't get me gifts but I'm just horrified that perhaps he (or more likely his wife - not a generalization, I just KNOW him...) sent a gift and will not receive a thank you.

Although to be quite honest, the year thing has always puzzled me - wouldn't you forget? I always do it ASAP prior to the wedding. I realize there are situations where you may be tight on finances but I always give what I'm able at the time and assume people will receive it graciously.

I agree about etiquette. I am from the South and own tons of books by the Post family...hehe. It is definitely very rude not to greet your wedding guests and to send a generalized Thank You note. I have been encouraged to write Thank you notes for everything. It's such a nice thing to be able to personally thank people for the nice things that they do for you whether for a gift or a nice gesture. I only wish that more people practiced note writing...seems like a dying tradition.

[bokelley]

As soon as we came back from the honeymoon we starting going through everything and getting the list together. Took awhile but we sent all our Thank You notes. My MIL and mother would have killed me, had it not been done.

[MrsK]

Hate to tell you but there is not a one-year rule. There is never an obligation to give a gift -- even if you attend a wedding -- but a card is generally the minimal expectation, if only to thank the host/hostess for the reception. Many of our guests sent thank you notes to our parents after our wedding.

As for thank you notes, a handwritten thank you note should be sent asap after a gift is given. No one-year grace period.

[Vanquisher]

Meh. I just can't get worked up over thank-you notes. If you feel compelled to write them, fine. If not, whatever. I gave the gift willingly and thoughtfully and not to get a hand-written thank you note. Just don't care.

[Pollyanna]

Meh. I just can't get worked up over thank-you notes. If you feel compelled to write them, fine. If not, whatever. I gave the gift willingly and thoughtfully and not to get a hand-written thank you note. Just don't care.

I fall into this category. I used to think they were very important but can no longer spend my life worrying about whether or not someone has thanked me in a way I find appropriate. I know most people are appreciative of their gifts and I also know that most people are just overwhelmed with life so if I get a note in any shape or form great, if not, no biggie.

Heidi and I just caused Emily Post to rollover in her grave.