Your insight please?

[houseelf]

Honestly, I was over medicine before he even started medical school. I have *issues* from a childhood with a workaholic absent Dr dad...

THIS is a far more salient consideration than the original blogger's inquiry regarding attending remuneration or continued pride in the physician spouse's career.

[MarissaNicole]

Wow - I admit I've only had time to SKIM this thread but honestly I am a little offended and ashamed that some of you are so judgmental without knowing the person or even trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Personally I belong to both that blog AND to this forum because I often find that blog more ENCOURAGING. The women there struggle with the same issues we do. They are no different.

All I think Melisa was saying is that PEOPLE DON'T GET IT - and all of you here know that better than anywhere else... and for her to be attacked BY OTHER MEDICAL SPOUSES really irks me. I honestly think she just wanted some encouraging words from those that have survived residency and some encouragement that maybe down the road they will be able to make ends meet.

Why is it that its okay for us to VENT here but she cannot vent on her forum without getting judgement from some of you? Like some of you have never had bad days and wanted to get encouragement from someone on the other side?

[peggyfromwastate]

Is she venting? I reread her blog post, and it sounds like she's assuming there is a big old windfall at the end of the training cycle that will make it all OK. I think that from the other side of training you might appreciate the $, but if you're planning to be crazy wealthy, that's not medicine. She could be writing about winning a lottery, or marrying a high-paid CEO. But Doctors are just not THAT wealthy.

So she was saying that people don't get it... Don't get that residents get paid jack? That there's a lot of medical school debt? Or what? I think she's perpetuating any stereotype by focusing so much on what society may think is the big payoff- the big 6 figure Dr salary. I guess I don't get it.

[peggyfromwastate]

Wow - I admit I've only had time to SKIM this thread but honestly I am a little offended and ashamed that some of you are so judgmental without knowing the person or even trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Personally I belong to both that blog AND to this forum because I often find that blog more ENCOURAGING. The women there struggle with the same issues we do. They are no different.

All I think Melisa was saying is that PEOPLE DON'T GET IT - and all of you here know that better than anywhere else... and for her to be attacked BY OTHER MEDICAL SPOUSES really irks me. I honestly think she just wanted some encouraging words from those that have survived residency and some encouragement that maybe down the road they will be able to make ends meet.

Why is it that its okay for us to VENT here but she cannot vent on her forum without getting judgement from some of you? Like some of you have never had bad days and wanted to get encouragement from someone on the other side?

reread it again.. still don't get it, but it seems like she's looking for material wealth at the end of the road. Since her DH is a ENT resident, maybe she should get her husband to go for facial plastics. It's probably the safest bet for the happy ending in ENT...

[MarissaNicole]

I do not want to put words in her mouth but..... I believe she just wants to hear that there will be some financial stability at the end of the road. Because I am sure NONE of use have ever dreamed of OWNING a home, or being able to GO OUT TO DINNER (or even Mc Donald's as she says) or going to the grocery store and being able to buy food that IS NOT ON SALE.

I don't think she wants all of the things she listed... she wants to hear about the light of the end of tunnel - she was listing examples of what things you may have splurged on now that you can afford them. Like tell me that I won't always be pinching pennies or wondering how we are going to pay our bills.

There is nothing wrong with looking forward to the day your spouse makes more than minimum wage.

[SoonerTexan]

I don't know what it will be like, and we haven't been through anything hard yet, but my in-laws are there. Both went to private undergrad AND med school (completely funded by loans), and MIL stopped practicing after about 8 years due to the kiddo situation. I don't know how much FIL makes, but I would say they are somewhat living the lifestyle the blogger described. Private school for 6 (count 'em) kiddos, nice house, nice cars, school debt paid off. DH received a new (low grade Civic) car for his 16th birthday, and his sister received the same. When we go out to eat with them, they don't look at the menu prices. FIL is an Apple freak and I always joke he has the newest product the day it comes out. Almost all the kids have laptops. They gave us the honeymoon of our dreams as a wedding gift. And I know for a fact they aren't looking at the grocery store prices--hehe, I joke with DH about that...different story. Not to say they are completely extravagent, though--they've only reached this in the last 8-10 years, and I do know they are fiscally responsible. (i.e. not in debt up to their ears) They also don't spend as much in other areas, like vacations, etc.

But, I have had many conversations with my MIL about what to expect as the wife of a doctor...the best way she put it was there was a pretty big tradeoff. She basically has told me "good luck." She has a nice lifestyle, but FIL works LIKE A DOG, and has for the past 20 years. The last time we were there he said he had 10 back-to-back meetings the next day. And he travels internationally often. So while he is a very loving and caring father this

I have *issues* from a childhood with a workaholic absent Dr dad...

has come into play for MIL and all the kids, including my husband, on some level. Most of the time she talks about it with a little regret or sadness in her voice. It's my biggest fear.

At the same time, I'd hate to live with the financial problems my parents had while I was growing up. They saved like crazy, but my dad was in a very unstable industry and got layed off 5 times (maybe more?)over the course of my childhood, and my mom stayed at home with us 5 and didn't start working again until very recently. It caused SO much stress, and they are just now starting to reap the rewards (like buying 2 year old cars instead of cars with 80k miles on them) at almost 50. Until my mom started working, we were always teetering at the edge of a small bit of panic. My biggest hope is that at the end my husband will at least have some job stability. Not so much the salary, but the stability. And the ability to raise a large family. But hey, the extras would be nice!

I don't know where I'm going with this. This forum and my in-laws experience has made me realize that the lifestyle that the blogger writes about might not come right off the bat--which is already a good 8-10 years away. And then it makes me wonder if this is really the right choice...should we get out now?--haha

[diggitydot]

There is nothing wrong with looking forward to the day your spouse makes more than minimum wage.

No one has implied that there was anything wrong with that.

The OP asked for our insight/opinion. We gave it. No one has to like it. Hell, we probably don't even like it after giving it.

By all means, med spouses should vent away about whatever happens to be grinding their gears at the moment. But if it's shallow, vapid, or materialistic -- realize that people will call you on it. If that's not how the blog writer intended to come across then I respectfully suggest she think through her writing better before mentally spewing it where others will see it.

For myself, I would want my iMSN buddies to give me an ass whuppin' if I failed to notice my own silliness. I'm OK being called out. I have my Big Girl Britches.

[PrincessFiona]

A question ... If this blogger was a member here that we knew ... and after surviving training was approaching the end of the training years and posted a few pics of the lot she was building her new house on as well as her new house, wouldn't everyone be cheering for her and posting "you guys have worked hard, you deserve it"? What makes it different to dream of having more?

Kris

[PrincessFiona]

No one has implied that there was anything wrong with that.

The OP asked for our insight/opinion. We gave it. No one has to like it. Hell, we probably don't even like it after giving it.

By all means, med spouses should vent away about whatever happens to be grinding their gears at the moment. But if it's shallow, vapid, or materialistic -- realize that people will call you on it. If that's not how the blog writer intended to come across then I respectfully suggest she think through her writing better before mentally spewing it where others will see it.

For myself, I would want my iMSN buddies to give me an ass whuppin' if I failed to notice my own silliness. I'm OK being called out. I have my Big Girl Britches.

No. It isn't always about ass whoopins and tough love. I don't think there is a place really to hand someone their ass and claim silliness when a person wonders out loud what it will be like to have some of the luxuries in life...med spouse or not...if they are struggling to make ends meet and are doing it all alone while their spouse is training for a career, then hell ya they should be able to think about the future too. It is human nature to want to improve your lot in life and going to medical school IS one way to do it, whether people want to hear that or not.

I love my spouse is an unfair comeback...I'm sure this woman loves her husband too. Let's turn this puppy around. Does your spouse love you enough NOT to do the malignant residency/fellowship or are they pursuing their passions no matter what for their own selfish gain/greater monetary gain. There are plenty of posters here who could also stop and think about whether or not the docs are unselfishly putting the love of their spouse first by choosing surgical specialties, etc. Sure, they work 120 hours/week, are contemplating moving away from their families for a year (or uprooting their families yet again) but it is their dream, right? So ... that's ok? Wanting a better life for your family is not?

I call bullshit.

I will personally be high-fiving everyone here as they finish training and I'll be celebrating your new homes with you without a trace of tough love.

[Vanquisher]

And then it makes me wonder if this is really the right choice...should we get out now?--haha

Ummm, yeah. Have I taught anybody anything?

Seriously, plumbing. Plumbing is where it is at. Hospital administration. Banking. Ummmm, roadkill cleanup. Anything, reallly.

In all seriousness, this is a hard, long-ass, bitter road to travel. I think dreaming is a good thing, and I want my due, damnit. I've been married 14 years and the most exotic vacation I've ever been on was to Calgary for a friend's wedding, but I dream. Oh yes, I dream. I even got a passport this year. Yay me!

I want to be a billionaire so f***ing bad
Buy all of the things I never had
I want to be on the cover of Forbes Magazine
Smilin' next to Oprah and the Queen

Who wants to join me in La La Land on Lollipop Lane?

[Ladybug]

I'll hold hands and skip with you, Heidi. You're such a crack up!

[PrincessFiona]

I've been married 14 years and the most exotic vacation I've ever been on was to Calgary for a friend's wedding, but I dream.

Uh....DUDE...What about your exotic trip to Central MN? You know THAT was much more exciting than Calgary. Don't you remember how the police blocked off our neighborhood when I was trying to bring the pizza home and you got to watch me from the porch? Silly you ... Calgary...please! LOL

[rainbabies]

I just don't see where the blogger sounded selfish. She sounds sad. Like, "are we going to make it?" and "is there anything to look forward to?"
I know we've been there more times than I'd care to admit. And I know that when I was down and out, and couting coins to put gas in my car, the last thing I'd need or want is my ass handed to me.

[v-girl]

I want to hold hands and skip with Heidi and Annie. I'm thinking Kris will be with us too.

[alison]

I'll hold hands and skip with you, Heidi. You're such a crack up!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Heidi, you made my day! I'll take her other hand, Annie.