They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

[Flynn]

I need to come up with something to say to the comment: "You're how old? Oh (big pause) I have a friend who waiting until after 30 to have kids!"

It's starting to crack me up a little bit. It's SO SURPRISING to some people here that I didn't start my family BEFORE 27 years old.

Today is DD's last day of school before the holiday break. They are having a small party and it should be a lot of fun for her. Both kids have minor colds right now. True to form they are troopers and barely pause to sneeze. Happy, happy kids.

The furniture companies/stores are calling to set up delivery times. Most of the crucial stuff is in -- except my sectional for the Great room. Bummer. We'll have our old couches in there for a couple of weeks. I am so excited to set up the kids' rooms! It will be so nice to have all their clothes and some of their toys in the CLOSET instead of in hand me down furniture in an already small room. Most of the furniture we will have right away will be delivered tomorrow or Friday. Friday will be our first night in the new house. Whoa. Crazy. Surreal.

The fireplace in the great room has been tiled but not grouted. I will probably post a picture when it's done. It didn't turn out exactly like I wanted but it is a very handsome fireplace anyway. Communication is SO IMPORTANT when building a house. Even when I think I've been CRYSTAL clear, there have been some mix ups with the retail people or the cabinet guy. Check, check and recheck everything is my new motto. So the hearth on the fireplace will be granite instead of tile. Whatever. I'll adjust.

I better quit typing and GET TO WORK!!! Whoever said this site is a vortex was correct!!

[Flynn]

Just got back from picking DD up from pre-school and choosing a grout for the fireplace.


I am HAPPY. I am so excited to move in, even if the actual move is a disaster it won't dampen my spirits. I can actually "taste" the reality of having more space and not just space, beautiful space.

I feel extremely fortunate.


:ra: :ra: :ra: :ra: :ra: :santa: :santa: :santa: :santa:

[Flynn]

I've been AWOL from this site for a couple of days and am going through withdrawl!!!! This will be quick but I HAD to check in and post a small update.

The last four days consisted of moving (UG) -- unpacking (DOUBLE UG) making Christmas happen for our kids, getting REALLY sick on Christmas day with a yucky cold/flu......and being down for the count for about three days. I'm "fuctional" today so I'm very pleased! DH has had time off so that hasn't been an issue THANK GOODNESS.

Oh and on a side note, NO RELATIVES came this holiday!!! WHOOO HOOO! It was just too much. After way too many discussions they cancelled.

The house is amazing but I'm a little overwhelmed at how long it will be until I feel "moved in." Another week at least.

We're functional though !!!

I'll try and post more later!!!

[Flynn]

Okay, let me set the scene....I got up early and worked out for about 40 minutes downstairs in the exercise room. I did 20 minutes on the eliptical and some of the "gym" exercises -- upper body only today. I then showered in our AMAZING bathroom without waking DH and now I’m on the computer with my coffee looking at the fire -- ALONE except for my Labrador shadow.

DH wandered down about fifteen minutes ago. He's been off work since the 22nd. He hasn't even had to return ONE page.

Oh...did I tell you the kids are sleeping later here? Neither of them are up yet and it's after 8 in the morning. DS is in a big bed as of the move with ...no issues...and we finally got DD to give up her Nuk at night.

Life is good.
I feel very lucky.

I'm so glad residency/training is over!

[Flynn]

Things in the new house continue to be somewhat dreamy. I can't believe I live here.

We have plans to go back where DH trained so he can do a "refresher symposium" with a few attendings. The variety here is great (he does a little General Surgery too) but he hasn't done a specific operation since he was an R4 -- so his ticket and the rental car will be paid for by his employer. We'll stay with my parents so it will be way more kid friendly than a hotel. We go in February. I hope I want to go back "home" after our time there is done. I can't handle any more tearful goodbyes. I'm looking forward to the trip and seeing my parents. Their last visit was in October.

[Flynn]

Tonight we are going to a block party down the street -- adults only.

It should be fun and DH and I haven't gone out by ourselves since before we moved. The age range is diverse and I'm excited to meet the people on our street I haven't had the opportunity to talk to yet.

The hosts are an older couple -- grandparents around 65 I would guess. They are extremely friendly and are serving appetizers and wine. (yum!)

I'm not sure what you wear to this type of gathering so I'll put my brain on that next.

[Flynn]

The "block party" was fun. DH got called into the hospital for an emergent case -- only the third one since September so it was no big deal. That's part of his job -- it just doesn't happen nearly as much as it did during training thank goodness!!! DH came to the party with about an hour left. I had some adult conversation and some nice munchies. One of the hosts made a killer Bloody Mary for me so I was in heaven. We live on a dead end/culdasac street. There are 7 or 8 houses and everybody came. Incidentally, only two households are not in medicine.

One of the couples who came have five kids and five grandkids. Their youngest child is in 6th grade on up. They lived in the same house for 27 years and the one the just built is their dream house. One of their sons is finishing up his Radiology residency and his wife is tired of being alone with their three kids and being poor! I told her my life is significantly different now that training is over and I guessed her DIL would feel the same way after June!

How is it that our house is so much bigger than anything we've even lived in and yet it is so much easier to keep clean? I LOVE that! Yes, I have found some help with the stuff I can't start and stop on a dime -- the hardwoods for example need someone to give them a good clean once a week.

The laundry is so much easier to stay on top of now that the laundry room is on the same floor as the kitchen! It's also easier to do because we have a laundry chute -- I forget whose idea that was but it was a fantastic idea. The kids (even my two year old) love to assess if their clothes are dirty enough to put "down the chute." DH has no excuse to have his piles of laundry now. He either hangs things back up or dumps them down the chute. No more lugging big piles up and down stairs now.

Last night DH went to a hockey game solo with a friend. I was alone at night with the kids for the first time....in I'm not sure how long. The kids had a nice bath, we read a million stories, then they went to bed and I watched the NFL game while I worked out downstairs in the exercise room. A perfect evening if Dh wasn't going to be home!

After I worked out, I showered, turned the fire on in our bedroom and read for an hour before bedtime. I am still so surprised sometimes this is MY life.

I LOVE co-parenting. It's so much fun to have energy and not have to do everything by myself. Two nights ago I had dinner ready when DH came home. We all ate together, I cleaned up while he changed, then I took a bath while DH had some QT alone with the kids. I was out of the bath before bedtime for stories and we all read a few together. I was able to recharge a little and in this house, I don't hear anyone playing so it's very relaxing to escape for thirty minutes before the kids are in bed. They can be as loud as they want with Dad.

Liberating. I feel SO lucky.

Yesterday DD and I went to a birthday party thrown by her buddy at school. DD and this little girl are in a pre-school class of 5 boys and them...so they are close! It was a bowling party and we had a great time! DH was able to stay home with DS so I had QT with my girl! We will definitely will have to go back with DH and DS. The place has been redone since last year so it's very family friendly, has always been smoke free, and you can order lunch or dinner and eat it right at your lane. Each lane has it's own "living room" type couch and table. Big fun.

Today DH had to round but that usually means he's home before 10 a.m.
We're planning on watching the Seahawks -- hopefully win but they need to step it up a couple notches if they want to get past the Bears. I am fearful of a blowout NOT in our favor. We'll see.

DS woke up at 5:30 this morning with a stuffy nose. I went into his room to hopefully comfort him enough so he wouldn't wake up his sister and we ended up cuddling in his double bed until 7:00. We had a great time and since DH will be home later I can shower then. 8)

Okay --- to top off my surreal life, DH just called. He's "sorry for being so late " (it's 9:15 in the morning -- ) but he brought my list and is taking care of the weekly trip to the local grocery store on his way home. He was wondering if there are things he can get while he's there that are not on the list. Somebody pinch me. (or feel free to punch me in the face )

I'm much more me these days and thankfully the "bitter troll wife" that I have been on this site all too often is my absent alter ego.

Life is good.

A big hug goes out to those in the trenches.
If I'm beeing "too positive" about life post training and you want to smack me, I'm sorry. I'm just so relieved things are how I had hoped they would be post training.

Off to change a load of laundry...

Go Hawks!!!!!!!!!!!

[Flynn]

So DH has been "busy" at work the last three evenings. That means he's been home between 7 and 8 at night. I can't believe this was my life FOR YEARS. The days feel longer on this schedule but the difference is now I know it's just a "busy wave" and things will go back to normal -- seeing him before 6 every night.

He also was paged three times last night. As a result I'm a little tired today -- once upon a time he was paged at least three times a night every fourth night..if he was home at all. Wow, can you say my life then and now is like night and day (pardon the cleche).

I like being this new person when DH is late, it's sincerely no big deal. It feels good to be flexible and supportive now that this is the exception and not the rule. I really wasn't a bitch just because once upon a time -- the life I once led was hard and I was tired. Generosity doesn't come easy when you're constantly giving and really not getting diddly squat in return. But that was then...

On another note...the kids are great. We're having a ball with so much new space and cleaning up when were done playing is a game rather than a requirement. In our old house if we didn't clean up what we were doing the minute we were done, we had no space to do anything else. Space is good. 8) Our great room now has NO TOYS -- no toy drawer, bin, or corner!!!!!! If the kids want to bring one or two toys down (mostly actions figures or small cars) -- fine. Otherwise, the toys stay in the "toy areas!!!!" What a concept. I love it.

So things continue to be good with us. We have a trip home next month and while I'm looking forward to it, I'm a little worried I won't want to leave. We'll see how that goes. My parents live two blocks away from our old house -- driving by is not an option and I'm a little worried it will be sad to see it.

Anyway, I better get the day moving. I haven't written a lot lately so I'll try and be better about it in the future.

[Flynn]

Here are some recent house pictures. We have about 10% of unpacking to go and being very lazy about it but that's okay with me.

My sectional came! Yippee!!! It fits about 7 good sized adults comfortably.




Here's a view from the area in between the kitchen and great room. It still needs a console table behind the sectional but I can wait on that!




To the right of the fireplace behind the cabinets is a flat TV...it comes out on a mechanical arm and can be turned so you can see it from the sectional or from the kitchen. (DH's idea and I have to say it was a good one! )

Here is a close up of some of the decorative pillows I had made -- they look a little shiny in the pictures but they are NOT!! :




We love books so the bookcases are almost filled as of yesterday. The sectional is so comfortable!

Now I need to do something above the fireplace. A mirror would be less expensive but I tend to want to get a photograph or a print...we'll see.





Here's a bad picture of the media room:


The bedroom furniture came as well. Here is my sanctuary!!! (It looks like black furniture but it's really a dark espresso.)




We feel more and more moved in every day and the convenience this house adds to my life is such a positive!!!!!! I sound redundant but we feel extremely lucky.

[Flynn]

Just wrote a ton about "the job" and lost it... .

Crud and double crud.


I'll try and rewrite it later. No time now.


It's -12...not happy about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8)

[Flynn]

So DH has been extremely busy the past three weeks. I knew the job would eventually hit a busy patch and --- we've -- HIT IT!!! DH has missed more dinners at home these past few weeks than the five months we've been here combined. Sigh. It can't stay this busy forever, so I'm good. It's so nice to know this -- as apposed to training when you never knew when anything would happen. I'm not complaining...just reflecting.

When we have had time to talk, we've done a lot of chatting about his job. We're extrememly pleased with our choice overall. We feel very lucky. No job is perfect however so we've been talking through a few of the less than ideal issues. There definitely is the "too many cooks in the kitchen" feel here. It is community medicine so the "team" approach is taken to the extreme. DH has made a VALIANT effort to be approachable -- something he knows he has issues with. I'm proud of him. There is a problem with non-surgical docs writing orders on his post-op patients however -- a common problem with private practice/community medicine. DH drops by to see patients and there are always multiple orders written on the chart. Tests are ordered that are silly and cost a lot of money. Additionally, meds are ordered for his patients that are outdated and not helpful. It's so frustrating that none of these docs feel the need to call him to discuss the plan before they start jotting away.

The second issue has to do with lung cancer. It appears that DH is definitely the expert when it comes to this disease -- a little scary if you ask me. He's right out of training but apparently well trained in this field. The silver lining is that he can be "the guy" in this area and really make some positive changes here. The process has been a bit bumpy so far however. One Pulmonologist accused him of being "too confident" and "ready to operate on anyone." As far as I know, it's the only person DH has had a verbal altercation with so far. DH fired back with article after statistic, after expert to refute the acusation. Apparently change is hard for some of the docs here. Not surprising but a bump in the road nonetheless.

Finally, despite seeing many new patients in clinic, a few of them have wanted his partner to do the operation due to her experience. It's a common thing for a surgeon right out of training but in another life DH was the "star fellow" who got to do everything and this is a bit of a bitter pill to swallow for now. Things will change and he recognizes this, but it's a bit of humble pie.

So we're in the process really evaluating where we are now. The job is fantastic but how do we improve some of the issues that have surfaced? Is change possible? I think the answer is definitely yes but nothing will happen overnight. It seems for every downside there are two huge upsides. The area has it's issues but we can afford to travel. I'll be curious what I think in a year or two. Will I be stir crazy or content? Hmmmm. We'll see. I'm in a really good place for now and I'll hold on to that and try and help DH think through the best course of action.

We're on the same team now and it feels really good. During training we tried to be on the same page, but it was really hard. I was never one to settle for second string.

Life is good.

[Flynn]

So it's about 11 degrees right now and DH took the kids to the grocery store. I get the bright idea to walk our pooch.

It's over 0 so it's down right balmy right?


My eyes were watering and my thighs froze in about 5 minutes. Our faithful pooch romped into the woods then limped out -- his paws freezing I'm sure.


If I was a pioneer I'd be ten feet under by now.
Thank god for Padagonia. It's the only reason I made it back alive.

I'm an idiot.

[Flynn]

So we're off to the NW tomorrow morning.

The temperature jump will be at least 15 degrees --- probably much more. Nice. 8) I hope DS sleeps and let me just say now that taking a trip with kids under three is ALWAYS a bit painful. However, my last trip was a five hour jaunt to the midwest on two flights -- solo -- after leaving my crying parents in the airport because it was when we permanently moved. It can't be any worse than THAT!

So I've got that going for me.

Gotta go pack.
Why is it that I pack for three people and am done in less time than DH who only has to pack for himself?


I know MANY wives who pack for their spouse...that's SO NOT US!!!!

All right. I'm done wasting time!

[Flynn]

So we're back from the NW. Suffice it to say I have some mixed emotions about moving.

The trip started on an "off" note when we dropped our beloved labrador off at the "best kennel in town." I researched the area extensively and called many vets, the few people I know here with pets and hands down, this is the kennel of choice. I'm used to ridiculous services for dogs in my previous life in a big city so my experience is slightly on one end of the extreme. This kennel looked "HARSH" however. I made sure all the basics were available and I even took a tour. I HATED leaving our dog there. It made me cry. Despite appearances, he actually loved it though and came home well taken care of. (insert big exhale here)

The first couple of days of our trip were emotional for me. Walking into my parent's house was very emotional. It's not the house I grew up in but it's the house I have so many good memories since becoming a parent. My kids KNOW that house and it was so bittersweet to watch them remember being there. They were psyched. It seems the new owners of our old house haven't moved in yet. That was easier to handle. They haven't changed anything yet so on the drive by I didn't have a heart attack.

The weather was marvelous. It rained a bit but stayed in the 40s at its coldest. The day we left it was 58 with patchy sun!!! I really miss the weather in the NW. You can do just about anything anytime...as long as you dress for it. I don't care how you dress, having an activity in 2 degree weather isn't much fun.

So I miss the weather and I miss being in a cool, bustling city suburb. The kids stuff from the zoo to the Children's museum are awesome. I miss coffee and food on every corner and tons of parents out walking with their kids in jogging strollers. It seemed SO ALIVE. I remember thinking it's such a FUN place to be a SAHP. I used to hit a happy hour in one local restaurant with a few friends and their kids...we'd walk, get some inexpensive food, and one beer. I think my bill for those evenings (alone of course with other doc spouses) was about 9 dollars for a full dinner plus some food for my kids. I love that I could walk -- there was stroller parking and the manager kept some high chairs ready for us on a weekly basis.

I miss the restaurants. I had a wonderful dinner sans kids with DH at Ocean Air and the Halibut I had was just short of heavenly. WOW. I love that EXCELLENT Mexican, Thai and Indian food are all within a mile of my parent's house. Yum.

I miss the mountains and how BEAUTIFUL the drives are in any direction. The sailboats were out in full force the day we left and the kids were naming all the colors of the sails.

I miss the diversity. I like hearing other languages in line for my Latte. I like seeing many colors, shapes and sizes of people walking around the shops and parks.

This is the first trip ever where both kids slept and ate like champs. It was fantastic!!!!!!! My kids are great sleepers at home but on trips, all bets are off. This trip was my first window into how much easier they are to travel with now than last year. WHOOT WHOOT!!!

I do not miss how small the "affordable" houses are and the highway traffic when you're going less than 30 mph and it's only three on a Friday. (Secretly I loved the idea of "early" rush hour here. People really love the area and Friday lots of people cut out well before five. It's an institution. If you're stuck in it though it's much less charming. ) My parents house felt like a mansion once upon a time (it's about 2800 square feet) and now it feels a little small but still a great place to visit.

It didn't help that on our final flight back to the frozen tundra of the midwest, the guy in front of us had on a t-shirt that said: "JEET?" ...which is redneck for "did you eat recently?" :thud: :thud: :thud:
The plane was also full of middle aged people who had obviously been somewhere warm, had horrible burns, were in very tacky tank tops, hats and getting the flight attendants to get them cocktails. I think some of them were drunk. (excuse my snotty venting please. ) Yes...they all were flying into our NEW town. I'm so proud.


So I miss living in a big city......JUST a bit.

Our house is still fantastic however and that makes living here so much more enjoyable. I had 6 messages on the machine from SAHPs who wanted to set up some play dates so I felt good about that too.

One day at a time.....

[Flynn]

So we made it through the blizzard intact.

It was actually pretty funny IMO. We had no idea what to expect and kept looking out the window -- shocked that the winds were almost 40 mph and lasted for a day and a half. Good grief! On Friday DH wanted to "get into work" despite the city plows not working the previous day due to high winds. Even if he got out of our driveway (a pipe dream) he would have to go through two feet of unplowed snow on our street????!!!!! I camly (but very nicely) said, "I think you're nuts to try but go ahead if you want to." I'm SO June Cleaver.....they will write songs about me someday..... DH got halfway out of the garage, got stuck, spun the wheels enough to wake the dead (DD and DS stayed asleep though ) and quite. He then had to come inside, change clothes, DIG himself out so he could put our Suburban back into the garage. Time well spent wouldn't ya think?

After he got our vehicle back into the garage, he helped two other men on our street with the same problem. Their wives all said what I had... you'll get stuck...go try if you have to.....an hour later they were all back where they started, inside ...snowed in. Our street got plowed at 3 in the afternoon. There were no emergencies and DH's partner got plowed earlier than we did so she just said don't come in. It all worked out be we'll need a better plan next year.

On another note DH and I went out to dinner with another couple last night. The food here is interesting. There are the chains and a few "decent" restaurants in town. There is one I like and this one we tried last night goes in the NO category. First I was served my Bloody Mary with a beer chaser?????????? :huh: I guess that's a Minnesota thing? Then the prawn on my drink was fishy and old. The waitress gave me another one and didn't get me a new drink even though it was soaking in it!!!!! EWWWWWWWW! Finally my brussle sprouts had bacon and chees on them? Again I say :huh: :huh: and GROSS!!!!!!