what effect did pregnancy and childbirth have on you?

[SuzySunshine]

Wow - i can honestly say that I haven't once thought about what my body will look like after I have a child (or two) during all of this trying to get pregnant crap. If I have two healthy children when all is said and done I can't imagine that I'll care.

[Flynn]

Wow this is an interesting thread.

It's a HUGE cleche but having children changes everything. EVERYTHING. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

I had an easy time while pregnant. No complications and I never got sick. Not once. (Feel free to hit me! ) I did NOT enjoy being pregnant. Nope. I'm not in that category.

I was induced at 42 weeks with DD and had a girl who was almost 10 pounds and over 23 inches long. OUCH. I tore -- a --- lot! I also didn't heal well so I was ucomfortable for a couple of months. It was gross, and humbling and I was really glad to throw the squirt bottle away when I was officially "healed." I am a former college athlete so the fact that I was not bouncing up and down ready to go after three weeks pissed me off. My expectations were EXTREMELY unrealistic but that's where I was.

Taking care of an infant all day kicked my butt. I'll admit it. If it wasn't for the fact that I loved DD from her head to her toenails DS would NOT exist.

DS was a shock. He was very EARLY as far as me getting pregnant again. I didn't know I was pregnant until I was 20 weeks along. Can you say DENIAL????? I was induced with him at 40 weeks due to DD's size and he was 9 and a half pounds.

Labor the second time around was so much better because I knew what to expect. I still pushed for about three hours but after reading some of the stories here -- that's NO BIG DEAL!!! I tore again but not as badly. I was back on my feet feeling good much quicker than the first time but now I had a two year old and an infant to take care of. The first year was brutal. Actually the first 18 months was pretty challenging.

I weigh the same as I did before kids but I look different. I've embraced the fact that my body before I had kids is gone for good. I'll do what I can and let the rest go. I have other priorities and lets face it, being healthy is a good thing, being comfortable in your own skin is equally if not MORE valuable. Looking good for reasons based purely in vanity is something I don't have time for very often these days. It's a low priority but it's still on the list. As an aside, I'm very comfortable with how I look at this point in my life. Go figure.

Mothers are amazing individuals whether they actually gave birth or have stepped up to adopt. Raising a human being is a huge leap of faith. HUGE. It's one thing to make mistakes when it only effects adults. Make that same boneheaded move with a child and the consequences are much more devestating.

It's an amazing ride that's not for everyone.

I posted regarding this comment earlier, but deleted it after I thought better of it. I just feel like an utter failure. Why am I less of a good person if I *do* look like some of those women.

I don't think less of anyone for looking a certain way. And how you look has no bearing on if you are a "good" person. Mother Theresa would have never made it on the cover of Maxxim, but she is so much more memorable and noteworthy for her "good" actions than any woman who has graced the cover of that mag.

Shoot, I'm the one who needs help for not knowing better than to wear utterly out of date clothing I think it is just shock for some of us who haven't been there, and who haven't seen stretch marks before.

I remember when my grandma was dying, and I had to wipe her, I was shocked at how bone-thin she was. She was down to 78 lbs, was so frail, and at 94 her skin sagged all over, her bones protruded, and skin was so dry. It really was shocking because I had never seen a 94 year old nude person before. Just like I and others rarely see nude post partum ladies.

I think we all need a nude beach vacation- most of those folks there are older than 60, and it might be nice to see people who are proud of showing off their wrinkly buns.

[madeintaiwan]

Heidi,
I know how you feel. I am SUPER self conscience about my post-kids body. I HATE my body. I gained 60 lbs with both of my pregnancies. My stomach, my boobs. My scars aren't too bad. But what belly button. Wrinkles, lose skin, stretch marks. Hanging. Bulge. Uggh. I sometimes wish/wonder why my body didn't just bounce back like those other women with their volleyball bellies and elastic skin. But, we can't all gain under 20lbs and have cute little 6 pound babies. My MIL thinks its great. She has pictures of my ginormous pregnant bellies in her drawer at work and shows them to her nurses when they complain about being pregnant. Needless to say, they shut up and go back to work. You are not alone Heidi. Try not to let other people get to you. Wear your battle scars proudly. Knowing that you have two wonderful children who bring you joy and adore you for them. I don't know, I think those of us who have struggled have a different (not necessarily better) appreciation for things. And looks have nothing to do with being a good person or being happy. There are plenty of drop dead gorgeous people out there who are horrible unhappy miserable people. Don't let them set the tone for you.

[Flynn]

Heidi -- I agree with the previous post.....madeintaiwan

I also think a TON of what happens post pregnancy has to do with your genes. My mom had stretch marks and I don't...go figure. My daughter might though. It's all so up for grabs.

Truly Heidi, whatever size you are, I think you are beautiful. I mean that sincerely. Your smile is fantastic.

Heidi - the most I gained with any of the 3 boys was 15 pounds with the first...I weighed 160 pounds the day I gave birth ( same as now) and I have horrendous stretch marks! I'm totally not "just saying that" I was a former model and it felt like something I needed to be ashamed about. I saw plastic surgeons and dermotalogists alike..they would both say that it coudn't be "that bad" and after looking would kind of gasp and say that they were the worst ones that they had ever seen...ugh!

I had a tummy tuck at 22 (paid for by Ford) and let me tell you...big waste of time and pain!!! I would never recommend it unless you are sure. I still have stretch marks (a bit lower down) a fake belly button and a big ugly ropey scar.

A really good friend (who knew how bothered by them I was) asked me once if I would donate a part of my body to a family member who needed it and of course I would....took me a longgg time to understand fully where she was coming from. I have finally made peace with the fact that I look the way I do and it really doesn't bother me at all anymore. I still won't be caught in a bikini...ever! Personally I think that they are over rated anyway!

[alison]

Heidi: I apologize. It was immature of me, however, I stated that in my first post... It was an honest, naive reaction to the pictures that I saw. I'm not ready for children and won't be until I get over my selfishness and immaturity.

[PrincessFiona]

heidi...I share your pain.....

kris

[Vishenka69]

Heidi, don't feel bad. Those of us who don't have kids yet, aren't all that thrilled with our current bodies either. I already have stretch marks on my thighs and the idea of a bikini gives me shudders. I'm not expecting any improvements post pregnancy. I'm not as worried about my body as I am about my lifestyle. I'm just not ready to grow up. In that way, you're a much better and less selfish person than me.

[alison]

Heidi, don't feel bad. Those of us who don't have kids yet, aren't all that thrilled with our current bodies either.

ITA.
I went to a podiatrist to see about some cracked heel issues and whether I should get some inserts. His response? "Your heels are splitting because there's too much weight bearing down on them."

Heidi another huge hug coming your way. When I found that website I was intrigued and totally empowered. While I lost the weight, I have a ton of stretch marks - the size of a melon in the abdominal area, a c-section scar that makes in indent in my skin, and the hardest part is my breast changes after bfing for 9 months w/DS and 12 months w/DD - there is nothing left, and they sag now, and they too have stretch marks all over. I have stretch marks from DS on my hips as well. It's been hard to deal with, as I look nothing like the "norm" of Americanized beauty when all the layers are off, but I had two children, ones I wanted, ones others can't have themselves. I feel very lucky. When I'm old and 90, I want to think about my family and the memories not what I could have looked like (and for how long?) if I hadn't had them,. Growing up w/out a mother, I never saw another woman whom had a baby. Only lately have I seen women w/stretch marks - one very fit woman at the pool had a bikini on, looked great, and I wished I had her guts. It's a bit frustrating though ladies to read the OMG comments, cause most likely your friends and own mothers look very similar in differant respects - breast changes, abdominal changes, skin changes, many women get vericose veins that never go away (unless treated), extra cellulite and whatnot. Honestly I just LOVE the Dove company for their campaign for real beauty - cause that is what most of us are like, ... normal.

we can't all gain under 20lbs and have cute little 6 pound babies.

Thing is second pregnancy I gained 18 had a 6lb baby - still was affected - you just never know.

I apologize as well for my reactions to the site.

I really admire all the mothers here and everywhere for bringing forth new life.

Thanks everyone, I'm loving this thread too.

I wasn't at all offended by the comments posted by the women who haven't given birth. If I had seen that website before pregnancy, it would have freaked me out as well (despite the fact that my body looks like that now!) I think that reaction is normal. How many of us have ever seen real, naked, older women? I haven't even seen my own mother'sstomach, for goodness sake. Pregnancy is such a massive change that the majority of us are totally unprepared for. The nudity that we are bombarded with is pretty much the "virginal" beauty of airbrushed teens, who have barely begun to live yet. It's well beyond time that the world got real about what a mother (or even an older woman) looks like. Just one more factor contributing to PND, I'd imagine. I am so grateful to the creator of that site and the women who've been brave enough to contribute. It makes me feel far more normal.

I tend to find it's the comments from other mothers that tend to hit the hardest, particularly those who were fortunate enough to have had relatively non-scarring experiences. While I was still extremely raw, I once had a woman tell me that she didn't consider herself "lucky" to have had five problem-free pregnancies and deliveries at home, with healthy babies each time. Rather, she was "normal" and I wasn't. After everything I went through, I certainly didn't appreciate hearing that. I think the person who posted about "one-upmanship" may have been writing from a similarly fortunate place. Some people can find it hard to understand until they've experienced something similar.

Colormesulky, I was also going to post about the Dove campaign. You've all seen this video, right? http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/flat4.asp?id=6909
Quite an eye-opener, and definitely something to bear in mind as you pass the magazine racks at the newsagent.

Another hug to Heidi - I would send you my own belly photo (replete with all its loose skin and a lovely hernia scar through which the intestines displaced by pregnancy were returned!) if it would make you feel better! I think that some reframing of our birth scars is in order. Thinking of them "badges of honour", or something similar, seems to help me. I once read that in ancient Norse culture, only men who died in battle, or women who died in childbirth, went to Valhalla, the Land of the Heroic Slain. It's about time we saw ourselves as heroes too (fortunately not slain ones...)

[Stella]

Heidi, I'm sorry if what I said offended you but it's my honest reaction. It scares the crap out of me and I'm far too selfish to be willing to give up what body I do have right now. I know for a fact that I never said I was ready for kids.

I have stretch marks on my hips and ass already. I know what that feels like to see every day. I have crazy hip cellulite too, whether you think I'm skinny or not. We all have flaws. I don't think that my comments should be taken personally as they were most certainly not directed at you or anyone who has had children. Mothers have done amazing things, I just don't want to be one yet. Is that wrong to feel that way or is it better that I'm at least honest about it? I just don't think I was offensive, but then again, maybe I'm wrong.

[Vanquisher]

Okay, I want to be clear. Everyone seems to think they are the ones who offended me. I understand honest, natural reactions. I do. Most of the reactions and responses I understood, but I am presenting the other side. There were a few comments that I thought maybe were a little harsh.

I just want you all to know that while those women's bodies may seem "extreme" to you, there are real women on the other side of your computer monitor who see themselves in those women. That's all I was saying. Some of the comments were akin to the fact that these women were so disgusting in their appearance that a person should be horrified to become that way.

I don't love the way I look. I don't love each one of my silvery stretch mark scars and wear them proudly for the battle armor that they are. But, I wouldn't take Heidi Klum's airbrushed body if it meant I had to never have kids.

I understand the natural reactions, but there was also some overkill.

Also, thank you for all the PMs. I accept the apologies. Back to my regularly scheduled day.