How did you decide to have more?

[JaneDoe]

We talked about three when having the "kids discussion" and I'm pretty sure we're done having kids. It makes me a little sad to think about being done though. Like Kris, I love, love, love being Mom. It also gives me more satisfaction than I ever hoped for. However, Dh and I feel like we're stretched pretty thin right now with work, school, activities, play dates, sports and diapers, family obligations, etc. It would be hard for us to add another child to our family, even though both of us would love one, and still feel like we could give each of our kids the attention they deserve.

Another thing I've considered when deciding on the size of our family is: the cost of college. I get the impression that I'm a little strange this way and that most people don't factor in college when thinking about babies, but it's really important to me. I don't want my kids to graduate from college in debt. I just don't. Dh and I were fortunate to have our undergraduate education paid for and it's something that we would like to pay forward to our kids. So, it's always been essential to me that we have as many kids as we can pay for their college. We are already saving for all three of our kids and we're certain we can cover them, but I don't know if we could do more than that.

There is a saying that resonates with me and I believe I heard it on this site: "You never regret the children you have, but you will always regret the ones you don't have." So true!

I also feel so blessed with our kids, marriage and life. Family is so wonderful!

[migirl]

JaneDoe, it is that exact sentiment that pushed me to go for #3! I was on the fence for a loooooong time (as many of you here know very well ), and what finally did it for me was the thought of NOT trying to have a third and then looking back in 20 years with regrets that we didn't.

[alison]

I deleted my comment, JaneDoe. I thought it may have offended some of you.

I agree about the cost of college. We are saving like mad people for dd right now. I'm a little obsessive about it. She's 2 going on 18.

I'd love to have another. I can't imagine a child more difficult than my dd (can't sit still/get comfortable, extremely demanding, concerned, outgoing, athletic, is a daredevil). My mom has said that dd is more demanding than both my brother and me combined! She said it actually might calm her down to have a sibling to orient herself around.

[MarissaNicole]

Obviously not a parent yet, but I like reading this thread.

Personally the BABY phase if my FAVORITE, so much so that I'm afraid every time 18 months rolls around I'll continually want another. I take after my grandmother who had 7 children and dozens of foster babies. (Of course loving the baby phase may change when I have my OWN and experience the sleep deprivation).

DH and I have both agreed that we want at least two. However we know that it might be out of our control, and there are other circumstances (like time, money, ability, needs of kids) that will effect just how many we have. I'm a child of three and my middle sister was quite the hell raiser, so ever since I've been a teenager I've been hell bent on only having an even number of kids in fear of "middle child syndrome." Now being a little older I realize that kids will be unique regardless of the number you have, and so DH and I are just hoping to have at least two. I've always wanted a larger family, but lately I have had a big fear of having an unhealthy or special needs child, and so I am trying not to get ahead of myself. Also with such a long residency, I now worry about trying to juggle more than one or two while DH is absent. (Seriously I don't know how many of you do it!). DH and I have also discussed adopting after residency (after hopefully having a few of our own).

Honestly if we could swing it I could see having 4-8 kids, but then when I think about raising several little tiny ones by myself I am intimidated and terrified, which is why I think of perhaps adopting down the road when perhaps we are too old to have more but still want to add to our family. Then again here I am getting ahead of myself, maybe I should just see if I can handle 1?

[alison]

You see, that's the problem! By 18 months, the sleep issues are usually ironed out and you've long forgotten the kinks of the first 12 months.

[v-girl]

That's why you get pregnant when the baby is 9 months. That way you get another baby with the first is 18 months.

[alison]

Hahaha! You could do it that way and not drag out the sleep deprivation over years!

[JaneDoe]

I deleted my comment, JaneDoe. I thought it may have offended some of you.

I agree about the cost of college. We are saving like mad people for dd right now. I'm a little obsessive about it. She's 2 going on 18.

I didn't see your comment before you deleted it. But, now you have me thinking that I might have offended you with my post. I'm sorry if I did. I fully realize that some of the reasons Dh and I had for deciding on the size of our family could be ridiculous to others.

[alison]

Nah, I'm rarely offended. (Sensitive? Yes!)
I had a clear vision of the way I thought my family would look, but that all changes, huh? It's just like the ridiculous baby names we came up with as little girls that there's no way in hell we'd actually use now!

[Meenah]

I wanted 4, he didn't care if we had none at the time, but didn't want an only child because he always wanted siblings.!!! I was number 5 out of 6, and very close to my sisters and always wanted 4 girls!!!! We had 2 girls. No logic, and at the time we had no clue what we were doing.

[diggitydot]

DH and I have never put a number on kids. I had my tubes tied after DS, but we've discussed becoming foster parents when we finally return to WA. If the opportunity came to adopt, we'd do it, but that isn't necessarily the main goal.

[L.Jane]

When I was younger I was convinced I was going to have at least five. I don't have kids yet, but J and I have discussed it. What we came to was that we would start with two, but after that we will see how we feel. I am not going to start trying for kids until I am about 32 becuase I want to be near family, so that means waiting until residency is done... Three years to go.. so if no complications I would be past mid thirties before I had two. I am also very concerned about being able to conceive due to my PCOD.

[Vanquisher]

I have always thought that you should have your kids one at a time. You'll never know how you feel until you start. My sister has one, and she says she is done. My brother has one, and I hope that he is done. Chad's brother has 4, and claim two of them were happy accidents.

I have always wanted two. I would have been happy to have just one, but I did want two. I sometimes feel a nagging to have another, but it is fleeting. Doesn't matter anyway, because I can't anymore (at least not biologically). Everyone is so different in their reasons and desires for number of kids. I did want my son to have a sibling, but I don't know that there was that much rationale behind it. Not all siblings are great, but they can be. In any event, two was just the right number for us. It felt right to me and to my husband. I don't know why, but two feels more like a "whole" family to me. I know that sounds stupid, but it just does for me. As a threesome, I often felt like we were an ancillary offshoot of our extended families rather than a separate and distinct family unit. It's not logical, but it was just a feeling I had.

Pregnancies were really difficult for me, and I am amazed I made it through two of them. The thought of being pregnant again was horrifying to me after one, and a completely unfathomable nightmare after the second. I believe I had said that the only way I would be pregnant again was for eleventy billion dollars and a crooked doctor who would put me in a medically induced coma for the entire nine months. Residency was worse than pregnancy for me, but just barely.

I have to give a shout out to the age gap that I have between my kids though. It rocks, and there is nothing better than a six-year age gap. Perfection. It allowed me to have two vastly independent "only" children who have very distinct interests and activities. They rarely fight or bicker. However, there is an intense love and friendship between them. They play together and have fun together, and my son is so protective of his sister. Watching them together is beautiful, really. For me, having this age gap allowed me to focus on each child without having to divide my attention constantly. It's the way I feel most comfortable parenting. When I watch large groups of kids, it can get easily overwhelming for me. This just feels more calm and peaceful for me. You do have to go through the stages twice this way. It was deifinitely difficult to do the sleepless nights and potty training again, but I really wouldn't do it any other way. Anyway, without this age gap, I don't think I could have more than one.

[SuzySunshine]

I am also very concerned about being able to conceive due to my PCOD.

Jane, I had my first at 31 and I have PCOS. We did have to use fertility drugs with the first but got surprisingly pregnant on our own with #2. Because you know you'll be more prepared then most.

[scarlett09]

We don't have kids yet, but we've always talked about having 2, no more, no less. I'm an only (sort-of): my half-siblings were born when I was 12 & 15, and to my father and stepmom, whom I did not live with. So I have only had the partial experience of having siblings until the last 6 years when I had more time and wasn't so focused on college - I have really enjoyed it. DH has one sister, and their relationship is unique and special because her Downs. She LOVES him and he adores her, but still not your typical sibling relationship because of her special needs. I'm not saying that all sibling relationships that involve special needs can't be normal, but theirs had a different spin due to their family dynamic and the beginnings of her emotional/mental decline at 25.

We are still two years away from TTC, but we are going to have to see how we weather the baby storm this summer. Our friend's wife just had her baby this week and I have two more friends (including my BFF) due in early July. DH was on Facebook last night, showing me pics of the PL-3's babies and telling me to "hurry up and get a job, so that you can get pregnant after being there for a year". Based upon those comments and the impending onslaught of cute little ones (although we have deemed the baby born this week NOT cute at the current time and are hoping that he outgrows it), we might be TTC sooner than we think.

But yes, we always thought that two felt right based upon our prior experiences and we want our children to have the sibling experience. However, we will still take it one at a time and see where life takes us.