How did you decide to have more?

[SuzySunshine]

A big age difference works too if you do decide down the road you want another one - ask Heidi!

[Vanquisher]

A big age difference works too if you do decide down the road you want another one - ask Heidi!

Yup, yup, and that was my point. If you are on the fence, wait. Big age gaps are awesome.

[peggyfromwastate]

A big age difference is great, but it does drag out how long you can't easily travel with the kids, etc.

My parents took all 4 of us to Europe 4 times... First trip was when my little bro was 7. It is possible to pass along a love of travel to your kids even if you have more than 1. In some ways it's easier to travel with a sibling-- they can keep each other entertained to some degree.

Idk though. I don't think there is a "right" or "wrong" on this one... I could never do pros and cons lists for having kids or not. Dh always wanted a lot, but I wanted 2 maybe 3. I grew up in a family of 4, and I definitely didn't love being a middle child. I thought my mom was completely tapped out by the time I hit 10 years old. We didn't have much of a relationship growing up. I wouldn't say I'm extremely close to my siblings but there's no animosity there. I'm closest with my sister, but that could be mostly because she's a mom and I feel like I can relate to her better than the boys. Could be that my older bro is 8 years older than I am and we have nothing in common, and my little bro still carries s grudge against me for something. Idk. But in typical Scandinavian fashion, we don't talk about any "issues" so nothing much changes ever.

One thing I like about having siblings is that as my parents age, I have my siblings to share in decisions about their care, etc. That comes with issues too of course, but it's nice for me to feel like I won't be all alone one day. Unfortunately my sibs are so overwhelmed with life that they don't see the already obvious decline of my parents.

Good luck on this decision. It's tough, and I hope you find peace in the end.

[mommax3]

I always wanted a "bigger" (more than two) family, and honestly, I wish we had gone for a fourth.

Our first was not what we had envisioned and not like either of us had been as babies. He was (and is) extremely active (crawled FAST at 5 months) and really was a handful. DH was in med school when we had him and I quit teaching to stay home when he was born. Between his personality and our financial situation, having another really wasn't an option until residency. Our second was born at the end of intern year, a little over 3 years after his big brother. That span worked really well for us (and DS #2 was a much easier baby), and residency SUCKED, so we decided to go for the same span between #2 and #3, which gave us our youngest six weeks after residency was over. He was our hardest baby, and by now, DS #1 was in 1st grade, which really reduced the flexibility of our schedule that I had always counted on with a new baby. None of our family was close, I was in a new city, and DH was still gone all the time. I hit the wall big time and DH was really never willing to consider #4 after seeing me go through that year. I used to blame myself and think that if I had been tougher, we could have had #4, but now I am to the place where I know I did the best I could, and goodness knows we weren't careful about birth control....if we were supposed to have #4, it would have happened. I will say that I changed diapers for 10 years and had a child in preschool for 10 years, and I din't know if I could have extended my time in those stages without losing my mind. I will also (assuming four years in undergrad, immediately following high school) have a kid in college from fall 2013 through spring 2024 (yikes) but I will only have two in college at the same time for one year, so that's a plus.

If I were doing it all again knowing what I know now (wouldn't that be great? ), I would have had a third sooner, during residency, so that I could have had a fourth, and maybe even a fifth. But my regrets are not as strong as they once were....I enjoy working, and I wouldn't be if I had more kids. There is no right answer, only what is right for you and your family.