Feeding issues again..... and some other parenting questions

[Michele]

When D had reflux as an infant I used to read the forums on reflux.org. Some of those kids developed severe food aversions. I don't know if youve been to that site already. But definitely check it out.

Otherwise, hug!

Oh and D got the MMR/chickenpox combo for the first time in February and he was fine for 5 days then had 2 days of 100.5 temps and 1 day of102 temps and a mild rash. CDC website says it was normal vac reaction. Reactions can happen up to 10 days later. He felt crappy too and didn't eat well.

[Meenah]

I'm so sorry. Have they checked her for a physical reason? I'm not sure how they test in children, but gastroparesis / pylorus issues???? Just a thought.

[diggitydot]

I'm no help (there's a shocker), just sending

[alison]

Thank you, ladies, for holding my hand through this. When I was typing all those frantic posts, dd was napping. She napped from 12:30-4! When she got up, she seemed to be feeling much better than before her nap. I do think it was some sort of reaction to her shots, but it's always hard to tell what's bothering her, since every little thing manifests itself in her eating habits. Funnily enough, teething has never bothered her. She just drools a bit more than usual, and when I peek in her mouth, there's a new tooth! Thank goodness for the small breaks she gives me.

Anyway, she drank about 4oz of Pediasure at around 5, ate one half of a spaghetti noodle for dinner and two Reese's Pieces, and then had another 6oz of Pediasure before going to bed. She'd been running a low-grade fever for about 2 days, so I think that's what was bothering her.

As far as a GI consult is concerned, we took her to one in CA finally, but because it seemed that the Prevacid was helping things, we decided not to do anything that wasn't absolutely necessary.

I'm always at the edge of my seat when dd does these food strikes. Even though it is a medical issue, like you mentioned, the pediatrician seems to think that it's a behavioral thing that will hopefully just get easier to manage when dd can express what she needs by talking.

Thank you, again!

[scrub-jay]

Alison - Thank goodness she seems to be returning to her normal self. I'm so sorry about the food strikes - it would put any parent in your shoes on edge. Hang in there. (As a side note: your pediatrician seems a little callous...what does he expect your daughter to say? "Mommy, I have bad associations with food because I struggled with it so much when I was born. Perhaps we should discuss?"Um, no, I bet she just says "Nope" in addition to physically refusing food.)

Big big hugs

[houseelf]

Huge hugs, this does seem to be a bit more than toddler stubborness.

This isn't a suggestion for today while she may be under the weather, but maybe something for a future attempt. Sometimes my kids would eat more around their toddler peers. One day, my sitter would tell me that my first born would eat all of his veggie lasagna at daycare because his two because his two buddies tried it and ate it enthusiastically. I had a hard time believing it, but she swears it was true. Does M eat snacks at her play gym? Maybe seeing her buddies eat would be helpful.

I'm grasping here, but I really do want to try to help.

[ladymoreta]

I'm so glad she seems to be eating a little better. I'm no help, but you have my sympathy. *hugs*

[SuzySunshine]

Huge hugs, this does seem to be a bit more than toddler stubborness.

This isn't a suggestion for today while she may be under the weather, but maybe something for a future attempt. Sometimes my kids would eat more around their toddler peers. One day, my sitter would tell me that my first born would eat all of his veggie lasagna at daycare because his two because his two buddies tried it and ate it enthusiastically. I had a hard time believing it, but she swears it was true. Does M eat snacks at her play gym? Maybe seeing her buddies eat would be helpful.

I'm grasping here, but I really do want to try to help.

That's not grasping - my kids do the same thing. On the days that they go to daycare (maybe once or twice/month) they eat all kinds of things that I can't get them to eat at home.

[HouseofWool]

I would agree with peer pressure. I don't think it will solve all of M's problems, but it is worth a shot.

[Pollyanna]

In terms of things she likes, have you ever tried to make her pediasure into a shake, blend in some chocolate or vanilla ice cream and let her drink through a straw? If she would drink that it might at least help with weight gain a bit. You could even eventually sneak in some banana or other fruits into the shake. You've probably already done this but I thought I'd mention it.

[PrincessFiona]

I've been mulling this over. I want to be careful about what I say because I'm afraid it will come off the wrong way, and I don't want you to feel hurt or upset by me.
I became so sensitive to Zoe's eating issues, Alison, that there was nothing anyone could say that didn't make me feel guilty or like I was failing as a mom in some way. I want to avoid that.

I'm not sure if you remember Zoe's food struggles. Her NICU stay was related mostly to the inability to get her to consume enough food/calories. We tried everything. They even mixed her formula into the highest calorie possible (and she had to be NG fed because she wouldn't bottle feed). They brought up all kinds of scary things including brain damage ... and I was beside myself with worry and guilt. The consequence of this was that I felt upset and worried everytime I went to feed her. We had to weigh her before a feed, weigh her spit up rag, weight her diaper.... The overfocus drove me absolutely crazy. The anxiety seeped out of me and she absolutely could sense this. The end result was that the nurses could get her to feed more than I could once she moved to a bottle. This just added to my own feelings of inadequacy and failure.

The doctors, nurses and nutritionist all gave me very fast and rigid rules to follow about how to hold her, behave, etc and it frankly made it worse for me. My gut as a mom was to offer her a feed every hour and let her take as little/much as she wanted. I was forbidden from doing that in the NICU and they would actually force feed her via the NG Tube the entire feed until she vomited. I just sat there and sobbed.

I was supposed to weigh her daily when we got home, bring her into the clinic to have her weighed weekly, keep a chart of the formula mixed, drank, etc and update my pedi on this weekly. Can you say crazy-making?

Zoe's feeding issues didn't start to get better until I threw away the rule book and did it the way that worked best for all of us. I fed her every hour and let her take as little/much as she wanted. I was told in the hospital to put her on a regular routine and let her get hungry enough to eat and to NOT do this. At first, her food intake daily was about the same despite my hourly feeds (remember, I was weighing her)...but she slowly started getting hungry every hour because her body got used to it....and every day she started taking a little bit more. I returned the scales, stopped coming in for the weekly weigh-ins and took the focus off of the damned food and weight. I just went with the flow and every hour offered her a feed.....if she didn't eat, she didn't eat...and we moved on.....

I remember my own personal stress. I cringe at your stories because I remember how truly painful this was for me and the anxiety that it brought up. It's even hard for me to think about now. I remember at one point while Zoe was in the NICU that I nearly ... put her in a carseat and left because I had just had it.

She will pick up on your stress, Alison, and it will make it worse. That doesn't help, does it? She has had reflux and it caused her pain...a medical issue started this, and fixing it will take time and patience ... and holy shit .... it's hard to have when you're tied up in a knot about it. Trust me, I know.

My suggestion is to go to hourly feeding opportunities....sit her in the high chair, set the timer if that's how you're doing it, offer her the food first, pediasure second, and then let her done at the allotted time....an hour later, do it again....fun, playful, isn't this yummy...let her throw it, smash it in her hair and get some of it in her mouth.

Go to McDonalds, let her get greasy, disgusting, high-fat french fries and play while she eats....who gives a crap what the other moms think. She might eat more while she is playing.

The only thing that I know is that as Zoe got used to putting a little more in her body regularly, she got hungrier...and ultimately started eating better. She also had some wild reflux, btw.

Hugs and love to you. I know how hard it is, and I hope I haven't offended you.

Kris

In addition to the mealtime you've described, have you tried simply making food available to graze? It doesn't create perfect eating habits, of course, but she'll eat (that's kind of where I am with the iPad, too -- who cares if she's watching if she'll EAT)? Rather than cleaning up the meal/putting it away, leave it out. See if she wanders back and nibbles. Your house is clean enough that I'd probably let her eat food that hit the floor, too (who am I kidding, I'll let MY kids eat stuff that has hit the floor, and my house is NOWHERE near as clean).

Maybe you can try just making food available. The stress around mealtimes has to be insane, even though you're trying to back away. Maybe she'll just be more of a grazer, and then once she realizes that all food doesn't hurt/make her vomit, she might start eating more.

[Pollyanna]

Go to McDonalds, let her get greasy, disgusting, high-fat french fries and play while she eats....who gives a crap what the other moms think. She might eat more while she is playing.


Hugs and love to you. I know how hard it is, and I hope I haven't offended you.

Kris

MCD is a good idea, and if she eats more watching TV then so be it. The only way dd3 would eat for about 6-8 months was if we followed her around with a spoon while she was playing (no really).

iMSN is a family and when you are worried we are worried too. Know that we are always here for you with lots of and support.

[PrincessFiona]

Another suggestion is to hire a sitter a couple of days/week to do a feed. Go for a walk, catch a movie or shop and leave the feed for someone else. Be prepared though to feel both happy and devastated if she eats more for someone else.

I once babysat for a week during the summer for a lady who was having terrible trouble getting her little boy potty trained. He trained for me during that week and she cried openly in front of me. I felt terrible. I hadn't done anything magical and she had laid the ground work. It was just a power struggle between them and I didn't have the emotional investment.

Kris


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[alison]

I'm posting on the fly here, because it sounds like dd is starting to wake up.

Thank you so much. You wouldn't believe how grateful I am to read your advice and feel totally supported in all of this.

At snack time in her parent-child class, she does watch the other kids eat ( there are 3-4 tables with about 4 kids per table). She still will not eat, and instead gives all her food away or puts it back on the serving tray. Yesterday, I asked the moms at our table if they could help me out by offering dd food and telling her how yumyum everything is. . I think that socializing while eating may help her--I'll see how it goes next week when she's feeling better.

I leave food out for dd, but there is zero interest... I'll keep doing it though, because maybe it'll click one of these days that she can have whatever she wants on her own terms.


Also, I am mixing pediasure flavors, adding whipping cream, and whole milk. The only problem is that she doesn't get enough nutrients from milk and whipping cream. She drinks only 18-24oz/day, so I have to look out a bit for the nutritional value of what does go down... Also, since she's drinking from a baby bottle is the only reliable way to get her to eat, I can't get bananas and other mushed things to pass through the nipple opening.

And.... I'm working on getting a new pediatrician for dd. We're supposed to go back for a weigh-in and checkup in 3 weeks, and I'm trying to see if there's another opinion we can get for that appointment.