Getting My Boys to Sleep

[MrsK]

YES!

I hope I didn't come off as harsh...I didn't mean it towards you. I just feel so sorry for you. Sometimes parenting is so hard. When I think about it, you probably just need to vent. I remember going through phases where nothing helped and it just made it worse when other moms tried to help with their suggestions. I'm sorry if I contributed to what felt unhelpful!

Kris

No, you are helpful. I did want to clarify some points.

We've always read at bedtime. Usually, it's 3 or 4 picture books and then into bed. But I considered Angie's suggestion and did some research on reading chapter books to preschoolers. Both have fantastic attention spans for storytelling and books so I decided it is something I'd like to try and I think it may work. They enjoyed it last night and both were very quiet and attentive during the story.

The lotion thing started for a couple reasons, mostly related to K1. First, he has always had bad eczema. Second, a little lotion massage after bathtime gives him an extra shot of sensory therapy before bed -- that and teeth brushing. It works well for him and it's easy to incorporate into our routine. K2, being the younger brother, wants to do as his brother does so we give him a little lotion to rub on his hands and feet when we are slathering up K1.

The pandora lullabies was something I tried last night just to stop K2 from hollering and to keep my cool. K1 and I to enjoyed it; K2 not so much but it did quiet him down.

As for the playroom/bedroom thing. . . the playroom is in the dining room right off our kitchen and foyer. Not a good place to convert into a bedroom. If we went with separate bedrooms, we'd either move K1 to Lambie's room (at least until she's big enough to sleep in there herself) or we'd have to give up our office. DrK really doesn't want to give up his office though I rarely go in there and I've been begging him to at least get a trundle bed in there for guests. FWIW, we have tried separating them at bedtime with K2 sitting downstairs while DrK does his notes. It has had mixed results. K1 usually complains that he cannot sleep without his brother. We've also tried putting K2 to bed earlier and letting K1 hang out downstairs but K2 just. doesn't. sleep.

BTW, my brother has a 6yo who has never slept through the night. I guess I should consider myself lucky.

[ladymoreta]

I just wanted to offer you my sympathy. We've had the kids sharing a room for the past week since we had houseguests, and they were awful at bedtime and naptime.

I vote for moving K2 to Lambie's room. It is both a solution and a bit of a consequence. K1 has been behaving, so he stays in their room. K2 will have the ability to earn back the privilege of sharing his brother's room if he can decide to behave at bedtime. When K1 tells you he's sad, agree that it makes you sad, too, and you hope that K2 is able to learn to go to sleep without pestering by April (or whenever you want). Talk it up, make a countdown calendar, whatever. They're both such smart kids. I think they'll get it.

[Meenah]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I realize advice is worth what you pay for it, so here goes. I would ask Dr. K to move his office into your bedroom. He can use the bedroom office or other rooms in the house to do his work (that he should not be bringing home anyway). Even if the boys think they want to be together, they will most likely do better in separate rooms. Dr.K wanting his own space (typical only child "all about me" behavior) should not trump the family's physical dynamics.

ETA: My first husband was an only child, so I know more than I want to about the behavior!

[MrsK]

Read Padington Bear until both boys started nodding off today. K1 had a nap today and K2 did not. Right now, they are quiet but in their beds. Let's hope they stay there. I'm really hoping we can work this out without having to follow through on the threat of separate rooms. Moving one would be such a hassle.

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[MrsK]

Victory! K2 is asleep! K1 is laying in bed, waiting to drift off.

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[Urowife]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I realize advice is worth what you pay for it, so here goes. I would ask Dr. K to move his office into your bedroom. He can use the bedroom office or other rooms in the house to do his work (that he should not be bringing home anyway). Even if the boys think they want to be together, they will most likely do better in separate rooms. Dr.K wanting his own space (typical only child "all about me" behavior) should not trump the family's physical dynamics.

ETA: My first husband was an only child, so I know more than I want to about the behavior!

I like this idea. Is the office on the same floor as your bedroom? The reason I ask is that I'm wondering if you could make the office Lambie's bedroom? That way, DrK doesn't need to give up his office until you're ready to move Lambie to her own room. When that transition is made, DrK can move his office to your bedroom (i.e. just swapping). Then, the boys have the other two bedrooms. And, if in the future, K2 seems to have matured a bit, you could try them back in the same room again. And, if it works out, move Lambie back to the other bedroom, and give DrK his office back.

[Meenah]

Good luck!!

[PrincessFiona]

Woohoo!

[Urowife]

Read Padington Bear until both boys started nodding off today. K1 had a nap today and K2 did not. Right now, they are quiet but in their beds. Let's hope they stay there. I'm really hoping we can work this out without having to follow through on the threat of separate rooms. Moving one would be such a hassle.

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Oops! I posted before I saw this! Yeah, moving all those rooms would probably be a lot of trouble. Hopefully, this is just a short phase that will pass before needing to play musical rooms.

Victory! K2 is asleep! K1 is laying in bed, waiting to drift off.

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Yay! Maybe K2 needs to give up the nap! My DD gave hers up around age 3 because she would be up until 10pm if she took a nap. When she gave up the nap, it was a little tricky in the afternoon when she'd be tired. But, usually, she'd push through and get a second wind. And, then, she'd go to bed so easily at a decent hour, and it was great! Anyway, hopefully there are more good nights like this to come!

[Sheherezade]

Our kids always shared a room. We went through a lot of trial and error but we did work out bedtime for years. They are similarly spaced (2.4 years apart?).

Just want you to know it can be done if you have to stick with that. Obviously, you know your boys best. I'm sure you will figure out some new routine that helps - but no doubt there will be failures along the way.

I'm glad you got a relatively peaceful bedtime tonight.

[MrsK]

I like this idea. Is the office on the same floor as your bedroom? The reason I ask is that I'm wondering if you could make the office Lambie's bedroom? That way, DrK doesn't need to give up his office until you're ready to move Lambie to her own room. When that transition is made, DrK can move his office to your bedroom (i.e. just swapping). Then, the boys have the other two bedrooms. And, if in the future, K2 seems to have matured a bit, you could try them back in the same room again. And, if it works out, move Lambie back to the other bedroom, and give DrK his office back.

The office is on the same floor but Lambie has the room with the floral wallpaper. Desk in our room won't work because DrK works on notes until 11 most nights and board review is coming up. If he didn't bring work home, we'd never see him.

Our kids always shared a room. We went through a lot of trial and error but we did work out bedtime for years. They are similarly spaced (2.4 years apart?).

They are 18mo apart. Funny that K2 would give up naps first but seems like K1 burns off more energy during the day and just behaving and following directions take a lot more out of him. He's reading in his bed now and I'm terrified that he'll wake K2.



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[moonlight]

Thank goodness for a better evening. I was stressed just reading about it! Maybe they are getting the hang of long stories to relax! Woohoo! Goooo mommyK

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I hope last night went well!!


Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

[MrsK]

K2 slept well. DrK found K1 quietly sitting on the stairs with a book at about 9ish. Rather than just telling K1 to get back into bed, DrK asked me to come sit with him on the stairs. Um, no, it's time to go to bed. (DrK doesn't insist our 4yo dress himself either. He really needs to get with the program.) I tucked him in again and he fell asleep shortly thereafter. This morning, K2 was in our room insisting that he needed to watch football on TV. A bit later, K1 came in rubbing his eyes and complaining that it was too early to wake. I reminded him that he'd stayed up late "reading" last night and he'd be less sleepy today if he'd gone to bed on time.

[MrsK]

Just put the boys to bed at 7:10. DrK expects to be late tonight so dinner was pizza. K1 didn't nap at all today notwithstanding that he spent over 2 hours at an open gymnastics place with his cousins today; K2 napped about 15 minutes in the car. They've had baths (with finger paints. Mom rocks!), lotion, pjs, and read two picture books. K1 started being obnoxious, stealing K2's teddy bear. He gave it up after I told him he'd have to forfeit his favorites if he took K2's. I skipped the chapter book because it seemed as if they'd start a brawl if I remained in their room much longer. K1 was disappointed but got into bed. K2 decided to pitch a fit for no reason; something about wanting a glass of water but really just wanting an empty glass with no water. I ended up leaving him screaming at the top-of-stairs gate because I figured that K1 won't open the gate for him tonight and I'm just not going to make myself sick over his tantrum tonight. Just finished folding a load of laundry and it seems to have quieted down. Keep your fingers crossed.