Changing Schools

[peggyfromwastate]

My dd had a better week but it's a process--- she was devastated bc today she was on a blue at the end of the day and at one point in the day she was on purple. Purple is the best in our system, blue is good, green is fine, yellow is not great, and red is just about the worst thing Ever.

So anyway, this is how my dds teacher handled it. J had crumpled up the report that showed her colors for the week. I thought for sure she was red. I looked at the crumpled up report, and it was a blue today. I asked why she was upset, and she said "I never get purple. I'm just a bad kid. I can't do it." (Hello, I never ever have supported these charts and how they are tied to self esteem...). The teacher knows I have... Reservations about the system. She also heard j's take on it and got down to her level, and told her how proud she was about how much Josie had improved, and how she knew it was really hard to focus and follow instructions when she wanted to do something else. Josie really opened up to her teacher and said, "yeah but it's really hard to not talk when my friend talks to me." Teacher said, "I know that's hard. I was always in trouble for talking too much!!" (Empathy, yes!). Then j said, "when we are on the carpet, the boys push me and I don't like that. It makes me mad." Teacher says "well when you feel like you are not comfortable on the carpet and you can't focus because people are pushing you or touching you, you can get up quietly and go to your seat and sit there and listen. As long as you don't make noise or rustle papers around on your desk, that is fine with me."

So I was pretty happy with this approach the teacher has taken. I think it helped a lot that I told her from the start my reservations about the color system and how detrimental it was to my dd1's experience in 2nd thru 4th grades--- after that dd1 didn't even try anymore lol.

I really am not trying to hijack--- just wanted to give you a perspective from how it's going with my kid as we struggle with similar issues. I hope you get a good vibe from your teacher and that things improve. This transition is not easy on anyone!!!

[Deebs]

Peggy, reading your post frustrated me. While the teacher is helping Josie earn the desired color, she is teaching a girl to go sit by herself and be a "good girl" instead of standing up to the boys. I realize that it's so common in our society, but girls bowing down to boys starts small and grows. Shouldn't the boys have to go sit by themselves because they're touching her?

[peggyfromwastate]

Right now dd is going through a "boys and girls can't be friends" thing so she's super irritable about boys. She's already been in scuffles at school-- pinching, scratching. Usually it happens when they are in line or on the rug and just packed in tightly. She didn't play with boys much at all at her preschool last year, so we are trying to help her see that she can be friends with boys too. So I don't know what the message long term may be, but for me this is a good approach bc the problem isn't that she's being punished for being a victim of unruly boys--- more likely she is bothered by bring so close to other kids all day long and really needs space.

In other words... She's the one who initiates the physical pushing and what not to give herself space.

She will never be the sit still and stay quiet girl--- but the teacher says she ties to assign colors on a more personal level. Of course the compliant, sweet, very quiet children are the ones always on purple. I really don't think J will be a purple kind of kid, because she knows what she wants, and she will get it this way or that.

I was surprised that she cares at all about the colors to crinkle up her "report". I certainly don't care--- we look at the colors together each day and if she's on a yellow or red we talk about it and see what the deal was. Usually it's open defiance towards the teacher (teacher says "it's time for you to go to art now. Leave the free play area." And she says "no" and ignores the teacher completely...). So yeah, I can back up the need to stop that behavior.

If the problem is the group is on the rug and Josie can't take being that close to others, the teacher might say "sit on the rug with your class Josie, or I will need to color you down". The teacher also sees the kids who are sitting correctly and praises them or colors them up. This frustrates her a lot-- because she is so uncomfortable sitting that close to others for that long. And sitting still on a rug listening to her teacher is boring. So I really do like the option for her to go sit by herself at her desk. This might be what J needs to be able to focus on anything.

I was pleased with the teacher bc she got down on j's level and tried to problem solve with her about options for j to help her have an easier time behaving.

Still hate the behavior charting. There is no room for a kid to have a bad day. There is no place for rewarding other aspects of academic success in kinder that I can see--- no chart out there for all the kids to see how good someone is at recognizing letters and correspondingly fail someone for not recognizing letters. I hate the public humiliation (our behavior chart is smack dab on the wall in the front of the class) and the constant picking on kids for behaviors (you talked when I was talking, Josie, so I have to color you down to green from blue), but alas color charts are probably here to stay and I will continue to try to focus in behavior that needs to be addressed and downplay color demerits that I think are silly. It's hard for naturally competitive kids bc they want to be the best.... And get angry when they are demoted.

So it's a struggle, but for me I just appreciated that the teacher validated Josie's feelings, and that she isn't punishing j bc her mom isn't the bigger fan of the color chart. Telling the teacher straight off that I don't like the system and it has caused a lot of stress in my children over the years didn't cause the teacher to be cold or non responsive to me or Josie. She just said she understood where we were coming from and seemed to think about how best to use this system with a kid like j.

Cheri---- really sorry for this tangent!! We are just going through similar things and I wanted to let you know how my teacher is handling it. Kinder is pretty exhausting for the kids. Expecting perfect behavior for 6 hours isn't reasonable IMHO.

[Thirteen]

FWIW, my mom teaches elementary and does not use/agree with the color chart. She said it is a poor way to actually keep kids in-line.
Children should have expectations to live up to, not a set of hard and fast rules with public consequences as punishment.


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[SuzySunshine]

No, no hijack - I think some of my best parenting moments I learned from others experiences.

Today I had to attend a volunteer class that is required if you're going to volunteer at the school - its ALL about sexual assault, as a parent it was hard to watch/participate but it gives me great respect for the school/church/diocese that they make everyone attend before they have a presence with my kids.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

No, no hijack - I think some of my best parenting moments I learned from others experiences.

Today I had to attend a volunteer class that is required if you're going to volunteer at the school - its ALL about sexual assault, as a parent it was hard to watch/participate but it gives me great respect for the school/church/diocese that they make everyone attend before they have a presence with my kids.

Virtus training is a sobering experience!

[SuzySunshine]

Virtus training is a sobering experience!

Yes it was.

[peggyfromwastate]

FWIW, my mom teaches elementary and does not use/agree with the color chart. She said it is a poor way to actually keep kids in-line.
Children should have expectations to live up to, not a set of hard and fast rules with public consequences as punishment.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

That's awesome--- This is such a rational and logical approach. I don't know why it's not status quo but the color system seems to be more common than not. Maybe just where I have been--- Washington, Maryland, and Cali.

[SuzySunshine]

We have it here in KS and I have a friend in the Chicago public schools whose K is also using it. I'm finding since I started complaining about it its a lot more prevalent then I ever would have thought. If we start looking at new schools for either or both kids one of my questions is going to be "what type of discipline system do you use in K?"

[Pollyanna]

Interesting, we have not experienced the color system in any of our schools. In first grade you'd have to "write you name in the book" if you misbehaved, lol. In PreK here they get a sticker at the end of the day if they had less than three "think about its"(aka: timeout). 5 stickers and you get a prize from the prize box, seems pretty easy to achieve.

[PrincessFiona]

We use an "in the zone" system here. Kids are rewarded for being extra good by getting "in the zone" tickets which they can turn in for prizes like pencils, stickers, etc. This is way to catch kids being good, and I prefer it to the negative color code system.

Kris

[Ladybug]

I had never heard of the color coding either.

[SoonerTexan]

Never had the color system growing up.

n first grade you'd have to "write you name in the book" if you misbehaved

I do remember classes doing this.

There was ALWAYS a candy jar...and man did that motivate people. Do something good, pick something from the candy jar. Maybe that's taboo now?

[scrub-jay]

Never had the color system growing up.



I do remember classes doing this.

There was ALWAYS a candy jar...and man did that motivate people. Do something good, pick something from the candy jar. Maybe that's taboo now?

Food-related rewards really suck for kids who have food allergies.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Food-related rewards really suck for kids who have food allergies.

I agree. No one wants to be the kid who gets a sticker instead. When I taught, I got a list of kids with food allergies, other severe allergies, and other medical issues at the beginning of the year. I almost always had a jar of Jolly Ranchers in my room - food, sadly, is a huge motivator for kids.


Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod