Safe sex

[spaz]

Ok, I'll tentatively stick my toe in here since I am the opposite end of the spectrum.. I guess why isn't wait on the conversation? My boys and I have talked about it but more along the lines of no method of birth control is ever 100 percent effective, so if you are not ready to be a father, just don't.. They know that their sister was conceived while on birth control. ( I was on the pill and took it 100 percent as prescribed!!!!!) I had this experience when I was 20 and at Baylor. I was working at 6 Flags as a costume character. It was like a locker room atmosphere and there was one 16yo boy there who talked about his "exploits." ( I had to wonder, though, how much of it was true....) One day as we were walking to our next station he came out just shaking his head. He could not believe that Mary admitted she was a virgin. ( a sweet 16yo girl) I said, "So what, so am I!!" He looked absolutely shocked and said, "Oh, is it religious reasons?" "No, not completely. First of all, I've never trusted a guy enough to give him my body. I just don't think guys your age are that reliable. I haven't found one that would be a good father yet. Secondly, I have WAY too many plans and things I want to do. I don't have time to get pregnant. No method of birth control is 100 percent and I'm just not willing to put my own plans in jeopardy." To which he looked at me and said, "Wow, I never thought about that. That is a good point.."

I didn't have to worry about getting a sexual transmitted disease and I didn't have to worry about getting pregnant. I am way too much of a control freak and I tried to control my variables as much as possible.

Oh course this is a mute point with my boys. Although they are almost 20 and 18, they haven't ever been on a date. ( Not my choice!!!!) My nearly 18 year old is considering asking a girl out but he wants to get to know her better first. I think it is kind of funny. He just came forward as accepting the call for the ministry... He wants to be a pastor. The girl he is considering is our new pastor's oldest daughter.... Would probably be a good fit as she would know what to expect... Grin.

I know...I'm old fashioned. I don't think I've stuck my head in the sand. We've talked about it, but so far it just hasn't been an issue in our house....

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We have a three and a one year old and I already know this will be an ongoing convo.

Abstinence will be heavily encouraged but safe, respectful, consensual sex will be the primary focus. I would prefer they have sex within their marriages but I'm not going to keep them from being safe if they make other choices.

[Sheherezade]

I have found that telling my kids their oldest cousin was conceived while my brother was a high school senior is an eye opener. Luckily, my brother, his girlfriend (turned wife, then ex-wife) and their daughter all turned out great but IT WAS HARD. I think that as my son is navigating his freshman year in college, we sometimes discuss how hard it must have been to do that with a baby and a new wife also taking classes. Also, how quickly they had to grow up to be good parents.

My brother is a smart, very responsible kid and his girlfriend (his only high school girlfriend) was the same. They had dated for two years and this just "happened" senior year. It does sometimes, and then you are bound together forever possibly. It's something to keep in mind when you are entering a sexual relationship.


Angie

[Meenah]

It was also an ongoing conversation when my girls were younger. They knew all of their options (including abstinence). I made sure they were educated and knew what to do when they made their personal choices. I also stressed to them that yes it is both partners responsibility, but they were ultimately responsible for themselves and not to count on the other person to have protection. STDs scared me more than pregnancy, and I showed them horrible pictures from text books!! I worked in the ER 6 blocks from the Princeton University Campus, and every time we had a student in asking for the morning after pill or seeking treatment for an STD, I repeated my Safe Sex speech at home! They tease me about it now but both have told me they were glad I did. They also now tell me I was really obnoxious about it.

[Vanquisher]

Well, I'd rather he abstained as well, but it's not realistic to not arm him with all the info. I don't think he's having sex, yet, but I'm not naive. I just don't think abstinence only education works or is effective.

I like the perspective of talking about how it's a potentially lifelong decision, Angie, and how hard it is to have a baby while navigating early adulthood.


Heidi

[HouseofWool]

Do you think you can use your own experience raising him or will he scoff?

[Curegirl]

Kudos to you and your family that you can talk about sex so openly, Heidi. A lot of my students would rather hurt small animals than ask their parents any questions so it's really great hearing about kids who feel safe to do so.

[Vanquisher]

Do you think you can use your own experience raising him or will he scoff?

I'm unsure. He's so sensitive that I think he may interpret it weird. I will definitely use it though.


Heidi

[HouseofWool]

Yeah, and I can see him getting squicked out by the thought of you guys having sex.

[PrincessFiona]

We talk about abstinence too, but I wasn't born under a rock. Alex (16) has his first real girlfriend now too and it's a conversation you just have to keep engaging in. I find it a little awkward with the boys, but I do it anyway. The conversation is easier to have with my almost 19 yr old daughter. Although ... I also found it awkward when she was younger.

I haven't bought condoms yet, but maybe it isn't a bad idea to leave some in our medicine cabinet for anyone to take. Lol. Hmmmm.

[Ladybug]

She has fuck-me eyes. Not cute, we-should-wait eyes. Put condoms out.

[McPants]

She has fuck-me eyes. Not cute, we-should-wait eyes. Put condoms out.

Well, that's pretty judgemental. If I were OP, I'd take the image down.

[Vanquisher]

She's a sweet girl.


Heidi

[Ladybug]

Sorry, H

[Vanquisher]

It's okay. I know you didn't mean anything by it.


Heidi