Marriage on the rocks...

Yes, sex can help keep the lines of communication open, but there is absolutely no way I'd be having sex with someone who behaved like that. None.

[Thirteen]

OK-

That's just rude. You both need to have a serious meeting of the minds.

This isn't a tit-for-tat thing because when it comes down to doing 'things' you'll "win". When it comes down to feeling pressure he'll "win".

You two are adult parents of an infant. It's time for everyone to put on their big girl and boy panties and sit down and talk. Not scream, yell or throw things. Remember that- your baby hears and sees how the two of you deal with each other. He needs to remember that as well.

Putting on the big kid undies can suck sometimes, especially when it's SO TEMPTING to react and be immature back. However, Jenn has SUCH a great point...

I say you need a marriage ref. Pronto. (I have other things to say about it, but...)
I know what I would do, etc., but my marriage isn't yours, and my husband is not your DH. Is counseling something you can approach him with as an idea?

[Ladybug]

Yes, sex can help keep the lines of communication open, but there is absolutely no way I'd be having sex with someone who behaved like that. None.

You're so picky. That's why I like you.

[Pollyanna]

You're so picky. That's why I like you.

Ditto!!

[Rapunzel]

Well, on one hand you definitely don't want to send the message that there is some sort of "reward" for bad behavior (or that you're somehow attracted to being treated poorly). On the other hand, men do react with more compassion when they are, well, post-coitus.

It's a case-by-case thing. But, I can definitely say that having NO sex for a very long period of time in a marriage (when not geographically separated) is not necessarily something you want to happen, either.

On the other hand, men do react with more compassion when they are, well, post-coitus.

.

If you can keep 'em awake!

Naw - just kidding. I certianly don't think "holding out" is a good method, either. I'm not a fan of the tricks or stunts in any scenario. I just don't think I could bring myself to even consider having sex with someone who kicked me out of my own bedroom just a few hours earlier.

[Deebs]

I'm not throwing this out there saying you should abandon your marriage AT ALL. But, I have two friends who recently went to the grocery store and when they went to pay, found out that their bank accounts had been cleared out by their husbands. Neither one had any clue that her marriage was in trouble (which is another issue completely). My point is...if your DH is telling you to sleep in the other room, seems to have no current appreciation for you, etc, do you have a back up plan, just in case he thinks your marriage is further gone than you think? A separate bank account or parents who you could borrow from if needed? I think you should do the other things recommended by everyone included counseling, for yourself if nothing else. BUT, I think there is a point when practicalities of raising and protecting a child come into play.

After the incidents that I'm speaking about, DH and I both opened accounts that will sit to the side - one in his name, one in mine - just in case one of us goes temporarily insane and tries to punish the other, not thinking of the children, financially. Both of us actually had a hard time doing this, but we realized that the women involved would have said we were crazy if we told them the day before that this would happen to them. Just something to think about.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

One other thing. I know you said that your child is an infant but I would hope that he's at least concerned about the message he's sending as the child grows up:

If Daddy doesn't like what you do, Daddy can throw you out.

Doesn't seem like the kind of message you want to be sending. As a person who watched my parents kick each other out of the house, hide money from one another, and carry on ALL the time, I am not close with my parents and I don't trust them not to hurt me. I'm sure that's not your DH's goal.

[alison]

I don't mean to make light of the situation at all, because it's obviously extremely volatile right now. I don't think my husband and I even know there's an option of kicking the other one out. We've always "kicked ourselves" out of the bedroom, so it's always out of our own volition to leave the room. I don't think I would handle your situation very well, and I can see how frustrating it has to be for you!

I'm sorry to welcome you here under such awful circumstances, and I hope you two pull through this!

[GrayMatterWife]

WTF is it about med school that does this? Do law students go home and say "I'm studying LAW; I can't *possibly* be expected to do *dishes*"?

No. Law students go home and argue about whether the dishes need to be done, and discuss who would be liable for any damage resulting from failure to do the dishes.

[MarissaNicole]

No. Law students go home and argue about whether the dishes need to be done, and discuss who would be liable for any damage resulting from failure to do the dishes.

ha ha - love it!

[Meenah]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I'm glad you found us. There is a lot of wisdom here, collectively we have an amazing amount of experience with this sucky medical life. It gets tougher as the years go by in my experience. I could probably be your mother, but given his chosen specialty and the fact that he is in solo practice he does almost nothing around the house, and our daily life is very much like Residency. You have received alot of great advice here. Just remember that people treat you how you allow them to treat you. I wish you the best. I think finding us is a good sign for you.

I don't have any additional advice, but just wanted to say sorry and glad you found us.

[cylverdust]

Yes, sex can help keep the lines of communication open, but there is absolutely no way I'd be having sex with someone who behaved like that. None.

Gotta agree!!

SO after another dramatized argument, we got to the bottom of things. While I still believe we still need council, I feel much more at peace today. He agreed he handled his frustration way wrong, and would work on respecting me and the things I do to keep the household afloat. However, I did not make any head way on him helping me out, but so long as I am respected we can work on the other. So for now, back to the ole , , , and . Thanks for the advice. I plan to stick around.