How to fend off nurse 'dawkter hunter'?

[MrsPotts]

hahahahaha Also made me laugh!!

[bokelley]

Never a problem I had.

But then, I pole-dance and bake like Martha Stewart minus the pretentiousness.

So f**k you, tramp, if you think you could even compete.

Lmao!!

[diggitydot]

I see no humor in the story, whatsoever.

The ortho husband had the responsibility to set appropriate and firm boundaries with his co-workers. Allowing another woman into his home so she can take care of his needs is bullshit and a CLEAR violation of any kind of appropriate boundary with a co-worker.

The spouse's outburst says more about her and possible issues in her marriage than it says about any dawkter phucker wannabe. Seriously? "I'll kill your dog," who even says shit like that?

Truthfully, that isn't something I'd ever consider doing because I expect my dude to squash that shit with the quickness. And he does. There are a shit ton of dawkter phucker wannabes at his hospital and it doesn't take them long to figure out that the dude is all about being a great dad and husband. They may harbor crushes, (and some have told me as much), but HE has made it clear to everyone that he has no interest, at all. I've even been told that part of his appeal is *because* he's such a committed husband and dad.

The onus was on the dude to squash that shit. The wife should be more pissed at her husband than she is at some random skank.

[corn poffi]

What DD said. Nobody is innocent here. I mean, I know dudes are clueless sometimes, but this is too extreme to feign stupidity. The wife needs to confront her husband, not be psychotic to a stranger. Threatening to kill somebody's dog is the wrong response in pretty much any situation.

[seaside*bliss]

Never a problem I had.

But then, I pole-dance and bake like Martha Stewart minus the pretentiousness.

So f**k you, tramp, if you think you could even compete.

Love it!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Cinderella]

I'm glad someone mentioned that about the dog. I was uncomfortable with it being funny too.

I confess I relayed this story to dh and it caused a bit of an argument between us. He said that anyone who is with someone that is that insecure in the relationship ought to leave the person because it doesn't get any better. He also said that if a person thinks that their partner would cheat then they shouldn't be together either.

One of his friends who is also a doctor has an extremely insecure wife who would come to the hospital to check out the competition and it would cause problems for him. She'd get to know the people he worked with and become friends with them and exchange emails. Then she'd call them or email them like she was spying on him. Since then dh has this ongoing fear all wives married to doctors will do that.

I told him I was insulted he would think that would be the reason for why I would go to the hospital to see him. I told him that in the "Surviving Residency" book Kris even mentions going to the hospital to visit her husband sometimes with the family. That when I worked at the hospital it wasn't uncommon for doctors to have their spouses or significant others bring them lunch and spend time with them just to see them.

He told me he thinks it's unprofessional to mix your work life with your professional life and said when he did his oberservership back East in Maryland no one had a spouse or significant other come visit them. Then he told me to take a poll on iMSN of how many doctors have their spouses come visit them while they're at work. I'm not sure I should do that or even how to do that and I can't believe we bickered about a hypothetical situation where I bring our hypothetical kids to his job to visit him for lunch so they can spend some time with their Daddy.

In Egypt I didn't go to his work because I didn't know how to get there by micro bus myself or tell the cab driver in Arabic where to go. If I wanted to see him he'd send a personal driver to pick me up but then it was boring sitting around the clinic while he worked. I didn't think my going to visit him at work here would be an issue but since that thing happened with his friend and his wife I guess it's changed his perception for him.

[SuzySunshine]

Then he told me to take a poll on iMSN of how many doctors have their spouses come visit them while they're at work. I'm not sure I should do that or even how to do that and I can't believe we bickered about a hypothetical situation where I bring our hypothetical kids to his job to visit him for lunch so they can spend some time with their Daddy.

Umm...I'm guessing most, if not all, of us have met their husband at work while he was on call. I did it all the time before we had kids and once we had kids if it was going to be more then 24 hours for the kids to see him and he had some free time we'd go see him. He ENJOYED introducing us, especially his kids, to the people he worked with.

[diggitydot]

Oh, yeah -- I've taken food/coffee to the dude on a number of occasions when he has called and asked. (We only live about 10 minutes from the hospital and clinic.) Typically happens when he's on a super busy call shift and can't get to decent food or hasn't been home much and wants to see everyone. The hospital cafeteria is full of total crap and we don't eat much junk so it totally messes him up to have to eat there.

I think there's a whole world of difference between visiting with food/drink and seeing your SO for a few minutes versus driving a few hours away to confront some random dawkter phucker wannabe with death threats to their pets.

[medpedspouse]

I'm glad someone mentioned that about the dog. I was uncomfortable with it being funny too.

I confess I relayed this story to dh and it caused a bit of an argument between us. He said that anyone who is with someone that is that insecure in the relationship ought to leave the person because it doesn't get any better. He also said that if a person thinks that their partner would cheat then they shouldn't be together either.

One of his friends who is also a doctor has an extremely insecure wife who would come to the hospital to check out the competition and it would cause problems for him. She'd get to know the people he worked with and become friends with them and exchange emails. Then she'd call them or email them like she was spying on him. Since then dh has this ongoing fear all wives married to doctors will do that.

I told him I was insulted he would think that would be the reason for why I would go to the hospital to see him. I told him that in the "Surviving Residency" book Kris even mentions going to the hospital to visit her husband sometimes with the family. That when I worked at the hospital it wasn't uncommon for doctors to have their spouses or significant others bring them lunch and spend time with them just to see them.

He told me he thinks it's unprofessional to mix your work life with your professional life and said when he did his oberservership back East in Maryland no one had a spouse or significant other come visit them. Then he told me to take a poll on iMSN of how many doctors have their spouses come visit them while they're at work. I'm not sure I should do that or even how to do that and I can't believe we bickered about a hypothetical situation where I bring our hypothetical kids to his job to visit him for lunch so they can spend some time with their Daddy.

In Egypt I didn't go to his work because I didn't know how to get there by micro bus myself or tell the cab driver in Arabic where to go. If I wanted to see him he'd send a personal driver to pick me up but then it was boring sitting around the clinic while he worked. I didn't think my going to visit him at work here would be an issue but since that thing happened with his friend and his wife I guess it's changed his perception for him.

Re: going in to work to visit, I think it depends on your situation or program/school culture. I used to visit DH when he was in med school because I would make enough dinner for the whole team when on call. Other spouses also did the same plus I also worked full time and was going to school at night for my PhD and we would have never seen each other otherwise. In residency/fellowship, I actually worked for his department. Therefore, I took great pains to never be seen together at work - as in I would sit with my own colleagues during grand rounds and would refer to one another by our professional titles if we needed to speak regarding work related issues. Now, I am at the clinic office at lest once a week because I come over and have lunch sometimes or bring by goodies etc. It is a small staff and we have gotten to know one another well. At the hospital, however, DH and I never interact.

[corn poffi]

We get a few visitors here...maybe a faculty spouse a month or so, but NEVER a resident spouse. They are too afraid the wrong person would see them and think they're not working.

I know I would not visit him at work, but we work in the same place with the same people so I don't really feel like spending extra time at the hospital.

[L.Jane]

I guess it really depends on the program. We are lucky that DHs is really family friendly. I go up to take DH dinner and see him for thirty seconds if I am lucky when he is on call. I usually take a book because I usually spend half an hour waiting for him to come down and then half the dinner is interrupted by him and another coworker having to discuss something. The other coworkers are used to me sitting there with a book and or headphones while they discuss whatever they need to discuss. I don't see anything about it being unprofessional. Hes been on for 20 hours by that point, usually and stopping for thirty minutes (if he is lucky) to have a bite to eat with his wife is just fine. Especially since most of those thirty minutes are taken up by colleague chat anyway. It has nothing to do with me checking out the people he works with since I usually never actually go up to his floor and just meet him in the cafeteria. There is nothing wrong with wanting to visit when you rarely get to see each other due to bad schedules. But then again, I really like everyone he works with and enjoy seeing them too.

[Deebs]

It was very common in DHs program for spouses and kids to drop in and bring food. Sometimes it was just a quick hello, other times we'd be able to eat together.

[SoonerTexan]

Hehe, well it isn't work and FIL is an attending, but FIL would drag all 6 kids to the Gyn Onc Holiday Party (no one else had more than 2 kids)! When there was a hurricane threat, FIL's secretary's family stayed with them once and one of his fellows stayed with them another time. (they live in a area that is usually safe) I even know who his secretary is and she and her family were invited to our wedding.

DH and I have gone to FIL's office to visit him before when we were in town. Hell, we had so many colleagues invited to our wedding it was probably the safest place to be in Dallas on a Sat. night!

So yeah, I don't think it is too uncommon

[peggyfromwastate]

I rarely drop by to see Dh. I think part of the issue for your dh Cinderella is that here in Maryland (not sure where he did his work) most spouses are busy working, and usually people live far away from where they work. For me to "drop by" to see Dh I would have to drive about 35 minutes, circle the damn parking lot (stupid design) for about 25 min, make my way into the hospital, ask the front desk to track down dh, and then wait for him to finish with patients so he can see me in between cases. The cell service is very bad in the hospital, so I rarely can reach him by texting either. On an OR day there's no point dropping by to see him, since the ORs run long and it's just not practical to see someone during OR. And his clinic is pretty much the busiest in the hospital, with scheduled appointments from 7 am to 5, and after that they round and see consults. Really not a very friendly environment for dropping in.

For your Dh (Cinderella) in Maryland, just know that I think it's not too common here bc getting to visit a hospital is a huge PITA alone.

As a kid, we used to drop by to see my dad a lot in the ER. Just cuz we were already driving by there, or we needed to ask him something, etc. It wasn't a big deal. We would talk to the nurses and what not until he was available. But that was in Small Town America.

Anyway, I think it depends on the type of hospital, the type of specialty, and the location.

The desk staff is always very nice to me when I do stop by (if I happen to be in the hospital for a Dr appt and I know that it's a clinic day AND I know that it's the end of the day-- like after 4:30), but I don't think any of the spouses "drop in" ever. And Dh doesn't have time to eat lunch, maybe a power bar sometimes, so I don't even bother on that front. And I don't feel guilty for not making a bigger effort in this area. Like I need another field trip added to our day.

[ladymoreta]

I visited DH all the time during his intern year. They do that year at a different hospital and only one resident is on call each night, so I'd bring dinner and hang out in the call room if he wasn't busy. Lots of residents are there at a time after intern year, and they're busier, so I don't go now. I don't think I would be unwelcome - I know most of them - but I just don't think it would be worth the time and effort.