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Peggy,
Huge hugs. Marriage and parenting is NOT for the faint of heart. Add a cross country move, a very demanding job, some health issues, the sale of a house, and voila, you have the perfect storm. Don't berate yourself for feeling less than enthusiastic about the Dawktor's amazing, prestigious fellowship when your kids are suffering. I hear you loud and clear.
Don't berate yourself for offering an honest opinion. Nobody talked more smack about GS than me. Over time, I have come to realize that our route was not typical, then or now. Some people have absolutely awful experiences, others have demanding but workable situations during GS residencies. My own situation colored my response to the "how bad is general surgery?" question that pops up on this board about once a quarter.
Honestly, GS is just another demanding job. If that is the only stressor in the family, you'll be o.k. This is life, not heaven. Put on your big girl panties and get on with it. For illustrative purposes, there is a urology spouse on this board who had a decent go during training but she is the first to admit that she lived in her home town near parents and her community. Her program wasn't overly malignant. The family didn't have to move. She had the financial resources to stay home with her kids. I'm sure everyday wasn't lollipops and sunshine, but she had a decent experience. There are several n/s spouses who were very satisfied with their spouse's training. There really are good stories out there.
IMHO, the problem with GS is that it hogs up all the resources of the family just to cope with the demands of living with the resident. As countless posters on this board have found out, if additional normal life stressors come into play, GS is unforgiving and relentless. The surgeon has to work all but four weeks a year to be board eligible. If s/he doesn't show up to work, it is a BFD. I mean a huge, big effing deal with ramifications. If you have something like bed rest, a funeral of a close relative to attend, marital discord, financial stressors, health issues, a move, excetera, your spouse may have very little leeway to help you out significantly. This can wreak havoc on the marriage. Like anything in life, YMMV. I will tell you that most of us are more capable of dealing with all of these things than we ever realized.
There I have broken my own rule and have come back YET AGAIN to talk about GS residency. (Where is that beating the dead horse icon?) There really are vocal advocates on both sides of this question and the issue has caused many heated debates and hurt feelings on this board. EAch side feels like the other invalidates their experience and/or is prone to histrionics or a lack of empathy. To be lawyerly about it, each case turns on its own merits.
ETA: I just refuse to allow anyone to sit in the "surgery training can suck" cave alone, not on my watch.
Huge hugs. Marriage and parenting is NOT for the faint of heart. Add a cross country move, a very demanding job, some health issues, the sale of a house, and voila, you have the perfect storm. Don't berate yourself for feeling less than enthusiastic about the Dawktor's amazing, prestigious fellowship when your kids are suffering. I hear you loud and clear.
Don't berate yourself for offering an honest opinion. Nobody talked more smack about GS than me. Over time, I have come to realize that our route was not typical, then or now. Some people have absolutely awful experiences, others have demanding but workable situations during GS residencies. My own situation colored my response to the "how bad is general surgery?" question that pops up on this board about once a quarter.
Honestly, GS is just another demanding job. If that is the only stressor in the family, you'll be o.k. This is life, not heaven. Put on your big girl panties and get on with it. For illustrative purposes, there is a urology spouse on this board who had a decent go during training but she is the first to admit that she lived in her home town near parents and her community. Her program wasn't overly malignant. The family didn't have to move. She had the financial resources to stay home with her kids. I'm sure everyday wasn't lollipops and sunshine, but she had a decent experience. There are several n/s spouses who were very satisfied with their spouse's training. There really are good stories out there.
IMHO, the problem with GS is that it hogs up all the resources of the family just to cope with the demands of living with the resident. As countless posters on this board have found out, if additional normal life stressors come into play, GS is unforgiving and relentless. The surgeon has to work all but four weeks a year to be board eligible. If s/he doesn't show up to work, it is a BFD. I mean a huge, big effing deal with ramifications. If you have something like bed rest, a funeral of a close relative to attend, marital discord, financial stressors, health issues, a move, excetera, your spouse may have very little leeway to help you out significantly. This can wreak havoc on the marriage. Like anything in life, YMMV. I will tell you that most of us are more capable of dealing with all of these things than we ever realized.
There I have broken my own rule and have come back YET AGAIN to talk about GS residency. (Where is that beating the dead horse icon?) There really are vocal advocates on both sides of this question and the issue has caused many heated debates and hurt feelings on this board. EAch side feels like the other invalidates their experience and/or is prone to histrionics or a lack of empathy. To be lawyerly about it, each case turns on its own merits.
ETA: I just refuse to allow anyone to sit in the "surgery training can suck" cave alone, not on my watch.
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