They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

[Flynn]

Re: They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

Despite DH being asked for a second interview before he left the area, we are 98% sure we're going to say no to this particular job. The way the practice is set up is PAINFUL. Other than the production contract (and where exactly are his cases going to come from I ask??) when you are "on call" you only take care of patients. The new stuff that comes in goes to the doc who is asked for. That sucks for the doc on call AND the doc who is requested -- they work on Saturdays all the time. When you "make partner" all you get is a vote on the issues that pop up. Groan. The senior partner is a good guy, a great surgeon and over 50. DH is wondering if he's just a tad too "old school." The practice is set up like it's 1980. This guy's kids are all in high school or college. The next guy on the totem pole is about 39 and married to another doc with one child under the age of two. He's trying to justify taking Fridays off once in a while to "be with family" and feeling okay with that decision. He's pretty hardcore too as far as how much he works. The last guy isn't married but has a girlfriend -- he's not all that happy with how many cases he gets and was surprisingly candid with DH. :huh:

If the practice was set up so it was salary plus insentives to promote TEAMWORK among the surgeons, weekends off were weekends off, when you were on call you took care of your partner's patients plus got all the new stuff, AND the docs TOOK their vacation time and didn't feel like they were losing money...it would be a good job for us. But that is sadly not the case.

DH has run the structure of the practice by a few guys out of training he respects (friends) and they all reacted the same way: "THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL. I'd say no thank you!"

It's nice to hear that from other docs because that's what my gut is telling me as well.

In the best case scenario we would move, DH would work all the time, make a lot of money, get really interesting cases, work on Saturdays, round at two hospitals starting at 5:00 a.m., get three Sundays off a month, never take his vacation, and miss out on way too much family time.

Uh yeah, no thanks.

The flip side is here at our current job, DH has three big cases scheduled for September. His partner has four. Yes more cases will pop up and YES he has clinic once a week and consults to see etc. but this is depressing to him. He'd love to have one open day in the week, three days with one big case or two smaller ones, and a clinic day -- that way he could schedule anything that came up on the free day and keeping his skills up staying busy providing excellent care to his patients. That's his IDEAL job. The good news is other than NOT being busy and feeling like "some" of the people he works with are from the JV squad, his current partner is fantastic and he's paid well for what he does. There is no competition and total trust between them. Call me crazy but I think that's rare among surgeons.


Turning the page here....I'm actually enjoying having an infant this time. I don't have any toddlers to entertain, my husband is around and VERY helpful, I'm not breastfeeding, and my infant is just sweet as pie and a very easy baby. Our house is perfect to keep baby sleeping and have bigger kids play loudly in other areas when it's raining outside. DD and DS #1 are BUDDIES. They play together well 95% of the time and when they disagree they want to still play together so one of them is willing to be flexible. Juggling three kids has been smooth. I expect it will get a little easier with the structure school provides. I've had two babysitters during the day already to take all the kids. The college girls we use were psyched to take care of an infant and have tons of experience. One if them is going to help a few mornings a week so driving DD to school everyday will be less painful, and the other is available in the evenings for stuff that comes up infrequently. The annual fundraiser for the hospital is a week from Friday so we'll be leaving all three of them in the evening for the first time. I'm pretty comfortable with this so far.... I'm sure I'll feel a little apprehensive the day of but we'll be close, and it starts early and ends early. Deep breath!

Off to pick up baby....

...he is sleeping well. He gets up once a night after sleeping for 5-6 hours, takes 6 oz., goes back to sleep for 4-5 hours.

[Flynn]

Re: They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

DH finally connected with the senior partner where he interviewed out west.

After DH outlined all his concerns with the practice, the guy said restructuring to "sign a top notch catch" like DH is completely possible. Um, gulp what?

So the second chapter of this gets started I guess.
DH now needs to talk to the second senior partner who is not as enthusiastic about change as the top guy.

We'll see how things go.

Crappity crap crap.
Never a dull moment.

[Flynn]

Re: They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

where are you!? how's the tiny babe...and the other two babes?

are you MIA because of the job prospect mentioned in your blog? are you okay? are you in lurke mode?

this is 20 questions.

i hope you and the family are well.

I have been lurking lately.
NO time to write anything of substance....

Soooooo, the tiny babe is good. He's sleeping until at least 5:30 these days and has had several days where he sleeps well past 6. It does wonders for my overall "take" on life. He's a cutie and very flexible. I'm having fun with him most of the time.

Kindergarten has been a HUGE transition for the whole family. DD is doing well, only a few tears the first two weeks and none last week or this week. Her class seems very well managed and the teacher is very organized -- a plus in my book. So far so good....
DS is doing well in pre-school. Driving to two different locations almost everyday is TIME CONSUMING. Those of you with more than two kids, feel free to laugh outloud at me.

The job....the newest negotiation tactic is to say "we are going to keep the model (eat what you kill) but make everyone take a week off a month to address lifestyle questions." :huh: Hmmm. I think that's a little strange.


I'm not sure what's going to happen with this because we just found out MIL has been diagnosed with breast cancer.... . The big bummer is we don't have any concrete info yet -- just that the lump is malignant. Hopefully there will be more info later on today. THIS Is one of the reasons I've been absent from this site...I can manage my schedule minus a family health issue I guess. DH will likely go out to be with his mom and sister for the surgery.

And with that, I've used up my 15 minute window of computer time between pre-school and dinner.

My life's theme song these days is "Flight of the Bumble bee."

[Flynn]

Re: They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

My baby DS #1 is FOUR today!

HOLY COW!

I can't believe it.
Time is FLYING by.

[Flynn]

Re: They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

Ug-- I have been awol here for a while now.

Let's see if I can do a decent update and not have to rush??!


DD and DS #1 turned 6 and 4 in October...WOW time has flown by post training!!! DS #2 is about four months now and is just an easy baby. He's happy 98% of the time and a champion sleeper. Wow. Someone pinch me. I am exercising on a semi-regular basis and basically have 7 pounds and tons of toning to do. My goal is to be "me" again when DS #2 is 6 months old. I'm wondering how that will go as I have two holidays to get through!!!

On the job front, DH said no to the job I wrote about in the NW (officially and FINALLY) BUT, we had another job on the table which was a bit of a rollercoaster and we mutually decided NO on that one too. I guess we are officially looking, but fairly content to sit tight until the right job presents itself. I really wanted the first job to work out due to location and job viability BUT the business set up was so wacky. It wasn't meant to be I guess.

We crunched the numbers last night with our funds. Scary but also positive as well. Our investments have lost a ton of money (as is par for the course with everyone it seems) but last year we either saved, put in retirement or a college fund, 25% of DH's salary. That is encouraging as we both feel we have a fantastic lifestyle and yet we are still getting used to a post training salary.

DD is still doing very well in kindergarten. All in all I'm pleased with the school as a whole. We have our first conference next week so I am looking forward to hearing what her teacher says are her strengths and areas we can work on at home. I'm in the classroom once a month to "help" and that has been educational and entertaining. I think all kindergarten teachers should go straight to heaven when they die!

We've had an amazingly mild fall. It was above freezing for Halloween and we've used our winter coats only a few times so far. This is our third winter here and I'm loving how gloves and hats are still optional. Last year Halloween was a balmy 14 with the windchill.

My parents come again early next month. I'm excited as they haven't been out here since I gave birth in July and all the kids have changed so much!

I have to do something productive now so I will sign off.

Until next time...

[Flynn]

Re: They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

So again, it's been a while. I have limited time so this will seem pretty random I fear. Oh well, here we go.



The big news is MIL has breast cancer. That has been...interesting. She has "good" cancer and chose to remove the breast to avoid radiation. She refused chemo, is taking other drugs and so far so good. We'll see how things go. Yet again I am shocked how Dh's family handles things of substance but I've kept my mouth shut and really listened.


I can't believe half the school year is over already. It's gone by very quickly. WOW.

It's been nice to have help (great college girl) come in the morning so the boys can stay at home when I take DD alone to school. It's working out really well.

DD#2 continues to be a good sleeper. He gets up once in a while at night but it's pretty remote and lasts on and off for about a week, then it's done again for a while. I'm sure it's a developmental transition or something but as long as it doesn't become a habit, I'm fine getting up with him briefly once in a while.

We've had a great break -- it's been really nice not to HAVE to drive anywhere for weeks!

Back to DS#2, he's in a funny stage right now. He's almost 6 months old so he's pretty mobile for a baby and can roll back and forth if he wants to. He now has to eat in a room with NO stimulation at certain times of they day, otherwise he is a periscope with his head trying not to miss anything. He giggles and is growing like a weed. He's a riot. I had forgotten how much personality a little baby can have. He was 16 pounds at 4 months old so I'm looking forward to his 6 month check up to see how much his weight has changed.


DS#1 is still the nicest, funniest little boy I know. He's just so curious and charming at the same time and totally oblivious how much he makes people smile. He's still enjoying pre-school and his fantastic teacher. He likes it when our babysitter comes over and he doesn't have to get dressed and get into the car really early. He is a conscientious big brother but likes his quiet time where he builds stuff and fights Jedi battles with his action figures to his hearts content. He got a "Leapster2" for Christmas from DH and me and his favorite game so far is Jedi Math. It's pretty funny and about as educational as a video game can be. It has Yoda's voice and Annikans -- and a few others. He loves it. It tells him he is on his way to being a Jedi Master...he loves that.

DD is enjoying her break. Her dark circles are gone and her coloring is better. Kindergarten has been a huge transition for her but I'm really proud of all she's done that is outside of her comfort zone. She's been a trooper -- and for her she's been REALLY brave. I'm glad. She's been skating with DH quite a bit and doesn't need the support things to push around the ice anymore. She's grown out of all her size 6 stretch pants from Gymboree and the size 7s might be long enough for her legs for another 6 months or so. She's really liking her horse stables. I remember playing with my sister's doll house, my stable and our Ginny dolls...fun times. At DD'
s kindergarten conference her teacher told us she was the only kid to get S+ on everything -- she doesn't give higher than that on the first report card. Funny.
P = proficient and she could have earned a P on a lot of things -- but again her teacher has the right attitude and doesn't give those out yet. I like her teacher. She is a nice mix between a conscientious professional and a fun nurturing kindergarten teacher. She wrote every child that contributed to her Christmas gift a thank you card and mailed them. DD was psyched to get hers.

DH is not nearly as busy as he would like to be. It's an ongoing issue but managable until we find the "right" job. He is going to another interview in February. On paper so far it is good in areas the job in the NW was not -- but we'll see. We continue to do pretty well post training. He is so different from me I look at him like he's nuts sometimes which I have to work on, but all in all we're good.

I'm doing well. I need to work in exercise on a regular basis again, I've taken three weeks off in December. Bad GIRL! Oh well. DH has done a great job watching the kids and giving me time off here and there. Last Sunday I saw Valkorie (sp) with Tom Cruise with the girls and then dinner after. I wanted to see Australia but of course since we live in a rinky dink town, only one theatre has it at ONE time. Bastards. I might have to Netflix it and get my Hugh Jackman fix that way. The movie was fine -- the plot takes you on a ride and Tom doesn't get to do his cleche smile or anything dumb like that so I liked it. It's worth Netflixing.


Other than that, my parent's trip was a blast. They came before Christmas and it was really fun.
I can't wait until they come back!!!

Off to eat some breakfast...we had 6 inches of snow last night. DH is blowing the driveway. Yuck.

[Flynn]

Re: They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

DH is on a job interview this weekend -- starting today. Insert belly churning emotion here. Major suckage.


DH got back from a conference a week or so ago and it was great to see people he worked with and for ...hear how they are doing. These meetings further emphasized the point that we are where we are temporarily. I hate that we are somewhat in limbo now but it is what it is.

On a down note, while catching up he heard about two new divorces -- always very sad. One really surprised me, one did not. The one that surprised me was a couple where the doc was a woman. She went into the lab when she found out about a surprise pregnancy. She's now done with a surgical residency and elected to do more training. A friend of ours ran into her husband and they chatted about where the female doc matched for fellowship. The husband very nicely said he's had enough and he and their son will not be following her to the new location which is across country. I think the boy is about three by now -- maybe older. I'm sad for all of them.

On the marriage front a few issues have popped up. Since the end of training I have really strived for us as a couple to minimize any negetive snarky comments when we get tired or frustrated with eachother. Now that we both are sleeping and the stress of training is over it's MUCH easier obviously. The reason I mention it is that according to DH I have a rather high expectation of how we should talk to each other 99% of the time.

Yes everyone slips and says things they wish they hadn't but according to DH I put civility extremely high on my list of "how do you behave to your spouse." We've discussed it at length and DH thinks everyone fights, at times all couples have instances of not fighting fair and I should just relax about it. :| Hmmmmm. I'm not sure what I think about that but it's been interesting to chew on. I do not tolerate anyone being disrespectful to me -- I never have. I don't see the point of "loosing it" and calling the other person names or screaming at each other. I just don't. Why not strive for a higher standard? DH has never been a yeller but he does come through with very cutting comments from time to time and still (although MUCH less) tries to win an argument. It's just a bad strategy in a marriage so I'm trying to break him of the habit. Am I perfect? Hell no!!! I do fight fair though and I have no problem compromising with DH.

I guess right now we're really looking at our relationship and how we can make improvements. DH thinks I have a somewhat unreasonable expectation here -- but I don't see the point of having an average marriage when the potential is there for exceptional? :huh: However then we get into the idea of what is average, above average, and exceptional. DH has no relationship in his life or childhood that was a "good" marriage so it gets interesting. Our definitions differ a great deal.

The kids are great -- motherhood is tiring but rewarding and going very well. Baby is a good sleeper and essentially an easy guy who mostly goes with the flow. We've let him CIO a bit here and there when necessary and he "gets it" and is learning to stretch his sleep out all by himself. Bedtime is now his final bottle, a story or two, and then he gets burped and put in his crib. He fusses a bit for 10 minutes and then sleeps for at least 10 hours. I can't complain with that.

Off to get the day started!

[Flynn]

Re: They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

Sooooo, the job is a good job. No huge red flags as with the two other jobs we have considered.

Let the games begin....

[Flynn]

Re: They Lived Happily Every After...or, detoxing from residency

There WILL be a second interview.

To use a "Jenn word" CRAPTASTIC.

[Flynn]

I've been AWOL for a while. LOTS has changed here. WOW. I'm a bit daunted by all the snappy changes.



We are seriously considering relocating. Ug.
We are in the second phase of contract negotiations. The first offer was pathetic (why did they bother?) but then the next phase was them saying YES to everything DH asked for. Okay. I can deal with that.

My parents have left from a long but amazing trip. I was with DH for 4 days sans kids in a a 5 star hotel during the second interview. This has all been bittersweet.

We're waiting for things in writing on this draft and then we'll likely talk timeline.

I'm a tiny bit overwhelmed right now but the sun is out here and it's well above 50 degrees for the first time in oh...NINE months so I'm taking the high road.

It will take me a while to catch up but wanted to say HI!!!!

(I've been thinking of you Heidi...)

[Flynn]

Curveball. Where is the shocked emotion?

One of the best private practice groups in the country gave DH a call saying they were looking for another good surgeon and his name and CV found their office.

This is yet a DIFFERENT opportunity from the one we're currently negotiating and likely better -- but of course it will take at least a few weeks to hash this out and get some concrete information. I'm so tired of the "courting dance" medicine does which is a big ass kissing fest for weeks (months?) THEN and only THEN do you get the business model, salary, benefits etc. etc. The rules of engagement for interviewing are SO FRICKEN FRACKEN SLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Limbo sucks.

On the bright side though this is a good problem to have -- especially in these economic times.