what effect did pregnancy and childbirth have on you?

[PrincessFiona]

It's frightening how we can realize how little control we really have. I'm sure many of us are used to planning events and organizing our lives. Pregnancy/childbirth was really the first time that it hit me that there were things beyond my control...and that was hard to cope with (but ohhhh, what a lesson it was about parenting in general )

My first two were nearly 2 weeks late...I had this elaborate birth plan for Andrew (my oldest)..i know, i know...laugh with me there! I was going to have a *natural* birth and was going to be surrounded by...candles, soft music (a tape that I took weeks to put together), my birthing ball etc....I hoped to have a gentle, wonderful delivery and was sure that things would go according to plan.

But I didn't go into labor...When he was 10 days overdue, I went in on a Saturday for a routine exam at the L &D floor...I had to go in on that day because of being overdue...it was scheduled. I had no bag with me....nothing....and wouldn't you know that they checked for contractions (there were none, of course) and as I stood up to leave, my water broke...

I had nothing with me...nothing...and we were in a hospital in germany..I had to be in a labor room with other men and women and things just didn't progress....They were trying to get me to take my temp rectally every hour (I just pretended I had and wrote down anything ) and they got so busy that no one was around to check on me anymore. After more than 24 hours, I was given an epidural and then pitocin. The epidural only worked on my left side and I was miserable. Hours and hours passed and still...no progression. I ended up with a c-section and was so anxious and 1/2 delirious that....I cried hysterically the whole time . 12 years later, I still feel ashamed. They thought I'd lost my mind and so then they wouldn't bring the baby in to me. DH had to step in and put his foot down.

The hospital (german) didn't have towels and when they got me up for a shower the next day (by literally pulling me out of bed and forcing me to walk when I was still 1/2 asleep) they yelled at me "this is NOT a hotel". I didn't even have my bag of stuff yet.

I was really depressed for a long time after that experience!

My much -anticipated vbac with Amanda...that I insisted on because I did not want a c-section? The cord got wrapped around her neck and the mid-wives had to call in the doc...which wasted time. She was an apgar 3 then 10 minutes later, a 7. I wish I'd just had a repeat section with her....because she has learning issues now and...I blame myself.

v-bac with Alex? hemmorhage/sugery

c-section with Aidan? eventless

Pregnancy with Zoe and delivery....I don't even think I can reveal really how much the pregnancy itself traumatized me...how much I began to hate the wonderful nurses and doctors and ultrasound staff for the bad news....how the fear and worry ate at me daily and how having her early and dealing with the nicu and her feeding issues and the separation from her really did me in....on top of the worry that there would be consequences from her being exposed to the chemo...or that I would not be cured....

In all truth...it haunts me still...but it is so much less....life does go on...and though I still sometimes am reminded of the bad...the good is much bigger.....does that make sense?

I know I said I wasn't going to elaborate on my experiences, but I guess all of the sharing brought it out in me....

Motherhood does change us, doesn't it...and the sharing of the experience of becoming a mom...whether that be an experience of adoption, dealing with fertility treatments, a difficult pregnancy or delivery bonds us in a unique way....

kris

[Rapunzel]

Annie, you're right. When you look into those eyes for the first time and they look back at you with a look in their eyes that they would say something if they only knew how. One of my children looked absolutely overjoyed to be alive - her eyes just danced! Several of my children looked at me like they knew me - chill up the spine! Even when my daughters were in the NICU they would look at me when I went to visit them with these knowing, alert eyes that seemed to take in much more than I gave them credit for.

And, all of that seems to change after a few days - that look suddenly clouds over into the heartbreakingly innocent baby eyes like they "forget" things that they knew before.

But, that moment, that very first moment they look at you - it is addictive in its beauty.

And, I truly can only compare it in significance to having a loved one pass away. It is a spiritual experience.



Now, I know why I love this thread so much - I'm in the worst part of pregnancy right now and you guys are psyching me up!!!! I need this!!!!

[Malpka]

(but ohhhh, what a lesson it was about parenting in general )

I've always thought labor/birth was a poetic prelude for parenthood. It's an extreme experience, both the good an the bad. Time stands still when you meet your child for the first time. No other experience in my life has been as significant. Death might be a close second. And I mean that in a good way , that it's that significant of an experience.

I always think that is why you have to feel like you are going to die in birth. Every time it is like I am reborn the mother of *this* child.

[spotty_dog]

I'm definitely looking forward to #2. Not immediately, since I'm still savoring the experience of being a family of three and it doesn't yet feel time to become a family of four.

I feel like I have to put forth another positive experience for the future moms who might be reading and fearing the worst. I had a fabulous pregnancy, no complications and I loved most of it. I had a few issues with clothing -- right when I started to show and at the end when not even maternity clothes fit were very frustrating times! -- but nothing that emotionally scarred me. Childbirth was FUN. I remember it as an overwhelmingly joyful experience, eight hours of barely suppressing giggles at all the people who didn't believe I was really in labor! Pushing was hard work, but I trusted my midwives and husband to take care of everything else while I did my job, and I was all grins between contractions. Having my husband hand me our child and announce that it was a boy and we had a son was the most awe inspiring moment of my life.

Postpartum I felt back to myself after about six to eight weeks. I'm still getting used to the fact that my tummy and breasts will never be the same again, but my sweet son was worth it. He's five months now and a joy to be around every single day.

I am dumbfounded at my sheer luck at having had a wonderful pregnancy, easy labor, and an easygoing child. I have no expectations that anything will be exactly the same the next time around, but it's a challenge and an adventure that I'm more than willing to face again.

still getting used to the fact that my tummy and breasts will never be the same again, but my sweet son was worth it.

As a female w/o children, who is mulling over the idea of having a child (probably not for another 2 years, though), what do you guys (mothers, that is) mean by your body changes??? I know that there is fat accumulation that never leaves and silvery stretch marks, but what else?
Do your feet really increase in size, permanently? Does your pelvis really permanently widen?? Do your boobs really shrink? Does excess skin hang around your belly afterwards, or what? Just give it to us "nonmothers" straight up, no candy-coating, please.

The reason I ask is that I dearly love some of my clothes, and with our tight budget, some of my clothing purchases were big "to-do's" for me. The thought of having to buy a new wardrobe, especially expensive dress clothes, along with the expense of a new child, frankly freaks me out. Is it really that bad, or am I wiggin' about $$$ again when it really isn't a problem?

[Sheherezade]

Almost the same answer here as Tara's. I'd say my stomach has a bit more skin on it. I'm not sure that's all pregnancy/stretching, etc or aging and a loss of elasticity. It's just not ever going to be tight. It may be flat (someday!) but not tight. Also, after pregnancy two, my left hip got a little quirky. Again, that could be aging. Nothing major. Everything else is pretty much where I left it before the pregnancies.

My pregnancies were not bad at all but like Jenn said, that didn't stop me from complaining. (It was the labor of the first that really threw me). Morning sickness, then heartburn, then feeling big as a house were really the "worst" parts. I had a few concerns and scares with the last pg but everything was fine.

My pre-pregnancy clothes still fit. If they didn't it was because of weight I gained before being pregnant. I can't think of anything that didn't fit again *because* of pregnancy. All of my stretch marks are faded -- none the last pg and very few with the second. Personally, I think breast changes are due to pregnancy as much or more than nursing. That is one of the first places I gain or notice changes.

Whew!! - thanks, guys. My sister said the same thing. In fact, since she's been on this health kick, she weighs less than she did before pregnancy. She said she didn't have to buy anything new, but then she is also pretty granola, and wears clothing that is 3 sizes too big all the time anyways.

To me it's more that things just didn't go back where I left them. After my 1st pregnancy I actually lost more than just the baby weight, but found that the weight I did have resided in different places. I my weight used to be more evenly distributed about, but post-baby it was more hips/waist than before. But, I've always carried extra weight - it's just a matter of how much.

I think if I had something *really* fitted, it might not fit the same. Like Jenn said, I do have some spots that have some extra. But not enough that tailored clothes don't fit. My waist is a little thicker than pre-pg and that is the hardest thing to get back to normal. I like the lower-waisted pants partly for that reason. My stomach is not as flat but again the general measurement is about the same, maybe a little more. And, honestly, it's been almost 7 years so I am much more used to this body than the old one.

[alison]

My mom had me when she was 27, and my brother when she was 35. She says after me, she lost all the weight and was back to her pre-pregnancy weight within months. With my brother, she had a much harder time and attributes it to her advanced age when she gave birth to my brother. She said her metabolism just wasn't the same as when she was in her 20s.

Has age come into play for anyone?

Yep, it has for me! I was 20 and 21 with the boys and walked out of the hospital in my pre pregnancy clothes and smaller than before. With DS3 I was 30 and STILL can't get off the last 15 pounds...GRRRR! Could be wayyy worse though and someday when DH has a real job and I can hire someone to stay with the munckin I will get serious about it and work out for real!

http://www.theshapeofamother.com/

Says it better than I could - the differant degrees that women get affected pp.

The pictures added by real women are endless - large and small women, women with 1 baby, women with 7 , women who miscarried, all bare some mark from motherhood.

[migirl]

http://www.theshapeofamother.com/

Says it better than I could - the differant degrees that women get affected pp.

The pictures added by real women are endless - large and small women, women with 1 baby, women with 7 , women who miscarried, all bare some mark from motherhood.

I was just about to post that link!

I, too, weigh less than I did before I got pregnant, and am easily wearing my pre-pregnancy clothing. The weight is just distributed a little differently, mostly around my mid-section.

[alison]

:thud: Holy sh*t.

I'm sorry I'm so immature, but