Extremely frustrated with my husband regarding academics...

[Deebs]

I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to imply that he's some kind of heartless jerk. I just know that we've seen first hand people who got into medical school and realized they were either going into it for only one specialty that interested them, or just found out once they were in that medical school wasn't what they had thought it would be. A couple of those people didn't figure it out until their third or fourth year, when it really was financially kind of too late to back out (they are both radiologists, but don't really have passion the way other docs do). I just was trying to make the point that if he's not really, really sure, now is the time to get out, before making another tuition payment or ending up in a position where he's repeating time.

Hmm...Are pathologists top wage earners? If so, I had no idea .... Just because my DH might want to be a more "behind the scenes" person, that doesn't mean he doesn't want to benefit the world around him. He's quiet, but that doesn't mean he's heartless, kwim?

Depends on the subspecialty of Path. It can be very, very profitable (a lot of slides can be read in a day, after all). My dh did Transfusion Medicine, so ... no. I actually quite disagree w/Deeb's assessment of the "in it for the $$" based on those specialty options, but we all have preconceived notions about various specialties. Of course he's not heartless (and I know Deebs didn't mean it that way). A lot of us have been around for a LONG, LONG, LONG time (did I mention LONG?) and have seen all sorts of stuff come through here. Plus, Deebs used to work in the field herself, so she's got an extra ounce of perspective.

It seems you're doing really well. Just please, PLEASE reinforce w/him that medicine cannot (even Pathology) be practiced in a bubble. Every review he gets on rotations will count, and *gasp* not only attendings get to weigh in on those reviews. He's GOT to play the game, and he might as well start now while parts of the game might actually benefit him (study groups). Because medicine is one of those "noble" professions (cough, sputter), some people go into thinking if they do THAT job well, the rest won't matter. It does, and you can really screw yourself up if you try to stay in your own head.

Ah, I see what you mean. No offense taken. He seems to really enjoy what he's doing, even though he's doing it all of the time. That's one thing that hasn't been a problem this semester, fortunately. His favorite class was gross and he talked about it all of the time, even when we would go out to dinner (no thanks). He got permission to take me into the lab and show me his guy, he was really excited. I tried to be enthusiastic. Of course, there's always time for the "I don't really want to do this! What was I thinking!" breakdown on his part, which I'm sure will come later. *I'm* the one who's had the mental breakdown of "I don't want to do this anymore!" this semester. I'm the one saying, We've already invested too much money. There's already too much time invested. And, then I think, what kind of wife would I be if I made the man drop out of something he finally really enjoys? So we plow through!

[diggitydot]

Every review he gets on rotations will count, and *gasp* not only attendings get to weigh in on those reviews.

Word. And not only on rotation reviews. I get asked every year what I think about the interviewing med students by various administrators in DH's program. I have no official position, whatsoever, but we do a ton of social stuff with the interviewees (dinners, spouse luncheons, 2nd look weekend, etc.) and EVERYONE voices opinions about the social skills of those who interview. Most of the med students we see are awesome. I wish the program were larger so we could take more. Some are a little quiet. It's a weird dynamic needing to socialize with peeps you barely know and may never see again.

Some peeps are REALLY fucking wierd. One girl asked who she had to sleep with to make it into the program. In front of her fiance. No, she wasn't joking even a little. And her fiance wasn't mortified. Something was wrong there on SEVERAL levels. Another dude said he was from my hometown. I was really excited to talk with him because it's kind a small community and it's always nice to meet local peeps. He was a little odd at first and after he opened his mouth, I knew he was completely full of shit. He claimed to work at a satellite clinic of one of the local hospitals back home. The only problem is that the hospital he claimed to work at has been a lockdown mental hospital for at least 30 years. There aren't any satellite clinics, anywhere. It's very well known in that area for that specific hospital is mental health only. Which means that not only did he NOT work where he said he did, but that he didn't live in that area, either. Yup, big fat liar. What was even more strange was that another guy from his med school class was interviewing at our location at the same time. They didn't associate with each other, at all. Not even a purfunctory greeting. Other interview dude was super diplomatic and didn't let on that the guy was a total doucheburger, but just avoided him like the plague. Needless to add, neither Liar Dude nor Lawsuit Waiting to Happen Girl matched here.

Personal skills will matter in every single stage of medicine. I'm in no way implying that your dude is anywhere near as stunningly goofy as my examples, just that social skills matter.

[JDAZ11]

Some peeps are REALLY fucking wierd. One girl asked who she had to sleep with to make it into the program. In front of her fiance. No, she wasn't joking even a little. And her fiance wasn't mortified. Something was wrong there on SEVERAL levels. Another dude said he was from my hometown. I was really excited to talk with him because it's kind a small community and it's always nice to meet local peeps. He was a little odd at first and after he opened his mouth, I knew he was completely full of shit. He claimed to work at a satellite clinic of one of the local hospitals back home. The only problem is that the hospital he claimed to work at has been a lockdown mental hospital for at least 30 years. There aren't any satellite clinics, anywhere. It's very well known in that area for that specific hospital is mental health only. Which means that not only did he NOT work where he said he did, but that he didn't live in that area, either. Yup, big fat liar. What was even more strange was that another guy from his med school class was interviewing at our location at the same time. They didn't associate with each other, at all. Not even a purfunctory greeting. Other interview dude was super diplomatic and didn't let on that the guy was a total doucheburger, but just avoided him like the plague. Needless to add, neither Liar Dude nor Lawsuit Waiting to Happen Girl matched here.

Um WOW

[Deebs]

My income comment had nothing to do with the specialties he seems interested in, but instead the comment about his income being "capped in the 100's" in engineering.
My DH shared a really good insight about a med student we know IRL, and I thought it might help. We know someone who came from a different discipline who is studying the way he always has and he has always been at the top of everything. Dh's point was that most med students have enjoyed being "the best" at least in one big arena or another. In med school, no one is really "the best" or if they are, it's in a really limited capacity. That is a huge adjustment, and many people do just put in more time but in the same manner they've always been able to succeed. I think you confronting your DHand pushing him a little to try different things and approaches could really help him be more effective.

My income comment had nothing to do with the specialties he seems interested in, but instead the comment about his income being "capped in the 100's" in engineering.
My DH shared a really good insight about a med student we know IRL, and I thought it might help. We know someone who came from a different discipline who is studying the way he always has and he has always been at the top of everything. Dh's point was that most med students have enjoyed being "the best" at least in one big arena or another. In med school, no one is really "the best" or if they are, it's in a really limited capacity. That is a huge adjustment, and many people do just put in more time but in the same manner they've always been able to succeed. I think you confronting your DHand pushing him a little to try different things and approaches could really help him be more effective.

Sorry, that was me again, not him. One of the reasons I justified the endeavor was I thought, well if he doesn't go his income will always be capped in the 100K's. Now I realize how naive I was, of course, and could honestly care less about an income capped in the 100K's seeing how much sacrifice it's taking, on the part of the whole family, to get to that point.

ETA: But even if I would have known he would have made the same amount of money after becoming a doctor, I would have still "let" him go, as I'm the wife and that's my job. He would have resented me forever if I would have held him back from what he really wanted to do.

Not to mention, depending on specialty, he could still be capped in the 100K's, w/many times that in debt. Medicine is not something to go in to for $. Consider that for those of us who went straight through (college/med/residency), our spouses were in their early 30's before they had a decent paycheck, and were coming out w/$150K to $400K in educational debt, not to mention consumer debt many accrue trying to make ends meet in the interim.

[niener]

Just checking back into this thread and wanted to say great job on getting the conversation going! And this:

Gear up, because these topics just get revisited over and over and over again throughout training. You can do it!

Yes they will. This won't be the end of it, as I'm sure you know. Especially keep on him about networking and that it really is impossible to practice medicine in a bubble. It may seem like, if he wants to be a radiologist and he knows more about radiology than anyone in his class and just blows everyone away with his skills on a radiology rotation, he should be able to get a training position as a radiologist, but that's just not true. It all matters -- grades, Step 1/2 scores, clinical evaluations, interpersonal skills, research -- all of it. You gotta play the game.

Thought I should post an update to this. His grades ended up perfectly fine. His final grades turned out much better than he was expecting. He wasn't even close to failing anything, silly man. Anyway, for the first semester as a non-trad who wasn't used to having to actually study to get good grades, I'm pretty pleased. A couple of his friends, though, are going to have to either remediate in the summer or repeat the year entirely. Sad. Now he's moping around the house not knowing what to do with himself, heehee.

[oceanchild]

I'm glad it worked out! First semester is a big adjustment. Now, no more excuses.

[ides]

Great news!

[SoonerTexan]

Sounds like he has plenty of time for some family relaxation!!!

Glad to hear things went alright. We had a similar freak out period last year when he "failed" embryology by one point and ended up passing with the curve anyway. (it was pass fail) wouldn't have mattered too much in the long run, but we both lost sleep over it.

[ladymoreta]

What a relief! I'm so glad it wasn't as bad as he thought! I hope next semester goes much more smoothly for all of you!

Hey Holly, that's great! Now you can celebrate the holidays with a huge exhale!